I Can't Make You

When I was young, New Year's Eve was all about parties, booze and whom I would kiss when the clock struck midnight. When my children were little guys, New Year's Eve was about getting together with other parents and their kiddos, junk food and banging pots and pans with spoons out on the front yard at midnight. When my children were teenagers, New Year's Eve was about church parties, playing games and being thankful my kids were safe and sound under my watchful eye. Tonight, New Year's Eve is about a crackling fire, a snoring wiener dog, a fleece blanket and a cup of hot tea.

As I'm sure is true for many of you, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few days about what the new year may bring. And in doing so, I couldn't help but think about the year past as it draws to a close. I've learned things over the last year that I never imagined I would learn, both good and not so good alike. If I tried to share with you every one of those lessons ... well ... I'd miss my fast-approaching midnight deadline for sure. But there's one ... one huge lesson ... I'd like to leave with you as this year ends and another begins.

I can't make you believe in me, and I can't make you believe in yourself. I can't make you embark on the new year with the hope that it will bring you happiness. I can't make you trust me, and I can't make you see that I have a good heart. I can't make you look at the year ahead as one that will be filled with challenges that will grow you and make you a better person. I can't make you like me or understand that I'm a loyal and faithful friend. I can't make you embrace the good things the new year will bring, nor can I make you believe that you'll overcome the not so good things. I can't make you believe that I care or that I'll listen or that I'll be there in your darkest hour. 

I can't make you hope, friends ... but I can hope for you. I pray the new year brings you peace and joy ... take care of each other.

One Person's Trash

Yep, I know it's Christmas, and yep, I know my choice of the title for this evening's post probably will have some of you scratching your heads and wondering if I've completely lost my marbles. Guess you'll just have to trust me on two things ... the title makes perfect sense to me and I still have my marbles, at least for the time being anyway.

If someone would have told me that one of my greatest sources of frustration in moving from my house to an apartment would involve trash, I would have told said someone that he or she was the one who had most certainly lost their marbles. Believe me, I fretted and worried about a whole sleigh-full of house vs. apartment problems or concerns that would await me once I made the big move, but I can honestly say that trash was not one of them. And yet, the great trash dilemma is, beyond the shadow of even a trace of any doubt, frustrating the living daylights out of me in a gigantic way. 

I suppose I should clarify a bit ... it's not the actual trash itself that's derailing my otherwise relatively smooth transition from house to apartment living. What's making me crazy is that there's absolutely nowhere in my teeny-tiny apartment kitchen to put a trash can, and I do mean nowhere. Because the kitchen is galley-style, the only open floor space is what's in the center of the cabinets and appliances. There is a tiny bit of space against the back wall, but if I put the trash can there, I would have to move it every time I needed to open the lower cabinet or get food out of the fridge.

Originally, I thought the solution would be simple ... I'd just get a trash can that would fit inside the cabinet under the kitchen sink, but that's proving not to be such an easy task. So far, I've bought and returned three different trash cans ... I was so sure the last one would work, but alas, it did not. And so for now, the trash can from my former house stands in the corner of the dining area annoying the crap out of me because a kitchen trash can should be in the kitchen and not in the dining area.

A couple of months ago, I began sending an email called "Grammar Goodies from Ghee" to all of my co-workers. In those emails, I give tips and advice for how to guard against some of the more commonly made grammatical and/or spelling errors in writing. Sometimes people reply to the grammar emails to let me know they're enjoying them or to give me ideas for future notes, and their feedback always means a lot to me. But last week I received a reply I didn't expect ... a reply that touched me so deeply ... a reply that came when I needed it desperately ... a reply that brought tears to my eyes when I read it.

"Terrie you a treasure on so many levels. I will miss you, but will keep reading your awesome blog. Have a great Christmas and a wonderful 2017."

I wanted so badly to go to her desk that day and thank her for her kind words, but I knew I couldn't do so without crying like a baby. Thankfully, the next day I was finally able to congratulate her on her new position and tell her how much her words had meant to me. She was surprised when I told her that I was deeply touched by her words, but I didn't tell her why they moved me the way they did. See here's the thing, friends, and I know you know the following words are true because a whole ton of you have written me and said exactly what I'm about to say ... there are times in life when you feel way more like trash than you do treasure ... times when you feel as though you've been crumbled up and thrown away. The day I received my friend's sweet reply to my email was right smack dab in the middle of one of those times for me. Somehow I don't think it was coincidence that her note came when it did ... I don't think it was coincidence at all, friends, not at all. 

So why write about trash and treasure on Christmas? Because I want you all to think about the true meaning of Christmas and not just the presents and food and decorations and all the other things so many of us will focus our attention on today. Because I want you to never forget that one person's trash is another person's treasure. Because I want you to think about what a difference just a few words of encouragement or appreciation can make in someone's life. Because I want you to spend today treasure hunting instead of trash collecting. Because I want you to never, never ever forget that one person's trash is another person's treasure. Today would be a really great day to let someone know they are a treasure to you ... today would be a really great day indeed. 

God bless you, friends, and I hope you have a blessed and joyful Christmas.

The Big Chill

Last week was cold here in Kansas City, but not nearly as cold it's been this weekend ... temperatures in the single digits, wind chills of -20 and a couple of inches of snow. I sure have missed my garage the last couple of days, not only because it kept my car a little bit warmer on these frigid winter nights but also because I could just stand inside of it while Ollie went potty in our fenced-in back yard. Now I have to put on my coat and my boots and my cousin Eddie hat and my gloves and my scarf and then carry my shivering little wiener dog down the sidewalk and out into the snow so he can pee and poop. And yes, I'm already worried about how that's going to work when thunderstorm and tornado season gets here in the spring ... hmmmm ... I wonder if I could buy one of those Ikea kid toilets like my little Canadians have and just teach him to use it? But alas, once again I digress ... back to how cold it is here. Ollie starts limping as soon as I put him down on the snow-covered ground because it's so cold that his tiny wiener dog paws freeze almost instantly ... poor little guy.

A few years ago when I was back home in Chattanooga for a visit, I went to dinner with an old friend at a restaurant called The Big Chill. It wasn't long after I'd been diagnosed with diabetes, and eating out was still sort of a frightening challenge for me in that I wasn't always sure what I should or shouldn't eat. I had no idea that my friend was a regular at The Big Chill, nor did I know she was good buddies with the owner ... the owner who also just so happened to be the main chef. Seeing the panicked look in my eyes as I looked over the menu, my friend excused herself from the table and went to the kitchen to ask the owner if she could prepare a diabetic-friendly meal for me. To this day, that remains one of the best meals I've ever had in my life ... grilled chicken breast that was so tender and juicy it almost melted in my mouth and stir-fried broccoli and cauliflower seasoned with cracked Italian pepper and topped with toasted mozzarella cheese.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my family and friends, maybe in part because it's almost Christmas. I think a lot of folks get nostalgic and a little sad around the holidays, but those feelings seem to be extra intense for me this year for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm living in a new place that doesn't quite feel like home yet, and I miss my friends from my old neighborhood. Perhaps it's because I'm grieving with my family back in Tennessee ... just last week, my sister lost her best friend of 70 plus years, and my niece-in-law's father unexpectedly passed away. And a few weeks ago, a sweet young member of our family received the devastating confirmation of the ALS diagnosis he was given earlier in the fall. Or maybe I'm feeling the way I do because I've been forced to wake up and smell the coffee when it comes to certain people and admit that actions really do speak louder than words, especially when it comes to friendship.

See here's the thing ... the thing that ties all of my seemingly random and unconnected thoughts above together, or at least I hope it will anyway. When it's as cold outside as it is tonight ... when the cold from that polar vortex thing zaps every bit of warmth from every single fiber of my being ... when it's this cold, I need to remind myself that it won't stay this cold forever. When I'm scared and questioning what I should or shouldn't do, I need to remind myself that there are people who continue to look out for me. When the pain of loss or the hurt of betrayal scream with all their might that I am completely alone, I need to remind myself to love more ... to care more ... to listen more ... to talk more ... to do what I say I'll do and to be who I say I'll be. 

Remember, friends, you only get one life ... live it well ... live it well indeed.

Guesting 1, 2, 3 ... Guesting

Have you ever known someone whose very existence is an inspiration to every person who knows them? Someone who truly understands and appreciates how precious life is? Someone whose attitude of joy and spirit of compassion lights up the hearts of everyone in his presence? I know someone who is all of those things and more, and I'm so very honored to have him as my guest blogger this evening. If his words inspire you only half as much as they do me, you'll come away from tonight's post a better person than you were before you began reading. Thank you, my dear friend, for all the life lessons you teach me. Thank you for reminding me how precious life is, how important it is to take care of those we love and that true friends never, ever give up on each other.

"I like to speak in sarcasm and generalities because one can bring a smile to another’s face and the other lessens the tension in the room. As a human race, I’m of the opinion we are entirely too high-strung for our own good. We worry about things we can’t control, like what others think about us, how much money we make, how skinny we are or how cool we seem…wait, that’s what I worry about if I let myself.

To guard against this disease of worry, I try to keep things as simple as possible. What do I care about most? The answer is family, friends and laughter (and sports and music). Now this sounds all well and good, but the downside to this way of life is a complete an utter avoidance of conflict of any kind. If this sounds familiar, you too are blessed and stricken...apologies where they are not needed and in your younger days, an almost permanent reservation in the friend zone.

I’ve always admired those people who let it all hang it out and in fact I moonlight as one of these people when I’m feeling salty. There is nothing better than when you convince yourself to do something just to do it, no matter what. I think I read somewhere that your initial instinct is usually the correct one. I’ve had a battle with my initial instinct for years. Too many times I have been burned by my gut telling me to go one direction when the correct path was just around the corner but I wasn’t patient enough to see it through.

So what’s my point? Being fearless and scared at the same time has its positives and negatives but we all have out own style, don’t we?"

Busy Is as Busy Does

When I first began penning this blog in 2008, I never thought anyone would actually read it much less take the time to let me know they miss my words when I go for a while without posting. Heck, some of you message me religiously if I don't write for more than an couple of days, which means my inbox has been exploding since my last post was way back on November 18. I apologize for not writing a short "I'm not dead" post, and I do appreciate that so many of you care whether I am indeed still in the land of the living.

This evening when I sat down in my recliner next to Ollie the wiener dog, I thought I knew exactly how I was going to respond to your questions regarding why I haven't been writing in recent weeks. I fully intended to tell you that I've simply been far too busy to write, and to some degree, that's true.

As many of you know, my house sold in early October while I was in Maine visiting my son Brad and his girlfriend Shelby, and I started the laborious packing process as soon as I returned to Kansas City. Then I went to Canada for a week and a half over Thanksgiving to see my son Matt and his little family. And just in case you're wondering, my granddaughters remain the most adorable little geniuses on the planet ... of course they do. A flight delay in Edmonton caused me to have to spend an extra day trying to get home, which in turn meant I only had four days rather than five to finish packing and move out of my house. Oh, and two of those four days I had to work. So yes, I have been very, very, very busy and therefore could justifiably cite being too busy as the primary reason as to the lapse in my writing. 

The truth, however, is that if I conveyed to you that my busyness was the real reason behind my lack of posting I wouldn't be living up to my commitment to strive to be as open, honest, real and transparent as I possibly can. Yes, I've been busy, but I haven't been too busy to write. The cold, hard truth is that I haven't written because I didn't want to write. The harsh reality is that even though I've been super busy for the last last few weeks, I could have easily found the time to write had I truly wanted to write. I managed to find time to do other things like talk on the phone or go for walks ... I even read a couple of books.

Just like it wasn't busyness that kept me from writing for the last few weeks, it's not busyness that keeps me caring about others or listening to those I love or helping someone in need. It's not about being too busy to do those things or to feel those feelings ... it's about not having the desire or the compassion or the love. 

Busy is as busy does, my friends ... busy is as busy does. Ponder on that for a while ... ponder on that for a good long while.