13 Reasons Why Not

In my previous post a couple of weeks or so ago, I said that my heart and I needed to take a breather from writing for a while, and though I wish I could tell you that's changed, I can't. As much as I wish I could tell you that I woke up this morning feeling like I could suddenly write the breathings of my heart again, I can't. But for tonight, there's something else I can't do ... for tonight, I can't not write. No matter what may come ... for tonight, I can't not write.

One of the young gals I work with stopped by my desk a few weeks ago to ask me if I had seen the new Netflix original series "13 Reasons Why." I told her that I had heard about it but that I hadn't watched it, and she told me I absolutely must go home that night and watch at least the first episode. I watched way more than the first episode that night, and it only took me a few days to watch the entire series. Had I not been so overcome with emotion several times that I had to hit the pause button until I could compose myself, I would have most definitely binged-watched all 13 episodes in one sitting.

The series has already garnered millions of views since its release on March 31 despite the tough issues it deals with ... bullying, rape, homosexuality and suicide. It's not surprising at all to me that "13 Reasons Why" has become such a hot topic of conversation among both teens and adults alike. It's also not surprising at all to me that there's a great deal of controversy surrounding the series, and though I do have an opinion regarding some of the questions that are being raised, what I think about those things isn't the reason for my post tonight.

I'm writing tonight because there are families and friends who are grieving the death of a loved one who committed suicide. I'm writing tonight because there are people at this very moment who feel that death is the only way to end their pain. I'm writing tonight because there are so very many, myself included, who fight every single day to keep the wolf on the other side of the window. I'm writing tonight because there are people of all ages who see themselves in one of the characters portrayed in "13 Reasons Why."

I'm writing tonight because one person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes. I'm writing tonight because in the U.S., suicide rates are highest in the spring. I'm writing tonight because every suicide intimately affects at least six other people. I'm writing tonight because depression isn't about being sad or looking for attention. I'm writing tonight because I know firsthand that depression is a nasty, nasty beast that cannot be fully understood by those who've never experienced it. I'm writing tonight because I know all too well that depression robs people of their will to live, forces them to believe others would be better off without them, shatters their relationships with family and friends, and shreds every ounce of hope they once had. I'm writing tonight because staying silent makes things so much worse.

I know I've said it many times over, but be kind to each other, friends. Make it your mission to care. Make it your mission to listen. Make it your mission to see when someone is hurting. Make it your mission not to give up on those who need to know they matter. Make it your mission to be one of someone's 13 reasons why not, instead of one of their 13 reasons why. Be someone's reason why not, dear ones ... be someone's reason why not.

"It has to get better. The way we treat each other and look out for each other ... it has to get better somehow." --- Clay Jensen, "13 Reasons Why" 

Because You Deserve Better

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." 

--- William Wordsworth

First, how could a guy with the last name of Wordsworth not be a writer? I mean seriously, right? And yes, Wordsworth really was his last name and he, together with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, helped to launch the Romantic Age in English literature with their joint publication "Lyrical Ballads" way back in 1798. As you may have gathered from the title of his first writing venture with Mr. Coleridge, Wordsworth was a poet; in fact, he was Britain's Poet Laureate from 1843 until his death in 1850. I'm betting the significance of his surname wasn't lost on Mr. Wordsworth, and I'm guessing I'm not the only person who upon hearing his name immediately thought, "What are words truly worth? What are they worth to other people? What are they worth to me?" Pretty deep, I know, but I think it's definitely worthy of some pondering and mulling over.

I first read the quote at the beginning of my post this evening many, many years ago when I was a student in college, and the words of Mr. Wordsworth obviously made a lasting impression on me. So much so that I once wrote them out on a note card and taped the card on the ceiling of my bedroom to serve as a constant reminder to me of the importance of writing from my heart. If I haven't learned one other thing about writing in all the years I've been putting pen to paper, I've learned this ... Mr. Wordsworth was absolutely correct in his instruction. But I would add something else to the indisputably wise words he penned so many years ago ... if you can't fill your paper with the breathings of your heart, you need to stop filling your paper until you can.

Have you ever fallen so hard that you got the wind knocked out of you? So hard that you wondered if you'd ever be able to breathe again ... so hard that you were sure you were going to die right then and there? I know I certainly have, and it's such a scary feeling when it happens ... it's almost like you can feel the life being sucked right out of you. It's one of those feelings that stays with you, one that you hope you never have to feel again. It's terrifying ... completely and utterly terrifying ... to wonder if you'll ever be able to suck the air back in again. You struggle to breathe ... you want to breathe ... you need to breathe. But you can't, at least not for a while anyway ... you just can't breathe.

Many of you have written asking where I've been and why I haven't been writing, and you deserve better than me offering up no explanation as to my missing in action status. And that's what this post is ... it's my feeble attempt to explain as best I can why I'm not writing much right now. You deserve to know that I'm not writing because I can't write the breathings of my heart, and until I can do that once again ... well ... my heart and I need to take a breather for a while. Thank you for your notes and your kind words, friends ... I appreciate each one of you so much more than you'll ever know.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." 

--- William Wordsworth