An Open Letter to the Parents of Brock Turner

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Turner:

My name is Terrie Johnson, and I, along with millions of parents, have been following the story of your son, Brock, over the last few days. I'm a single mother of three adult children, two sons and one daughter. My oldest child was 10 years old when I got divorced, and for the most part, I raised the three of them on my own.

I've been the author of this blog since February 19, 2008, and I've tackled some difficult subjects over the years since I first began posting. I've written about some tough issues I've dealt with in my own life such as being diagnosed with diabetes, my journey through weight loss toward better health, the ups and downs of being an empty-nester, the darkness of depression and the days I've wanted to die, and the hell of coming out of the closet after five decades of denying the truth about my sexuality. I tell you those things not to elicit sympathy, but to hopefully convey the sincerity of my intentions in writing to you.

As a mother of sons and a daughter, my heart has been filled with conflicting emotions as I've read about the details surrounding your son's arrest and recent sentencing. I cried as I read both accounts of what took place that night ... your son's and the victim's. I am blessed in that my three children are now successful young adults ... one is a university professor, one is a filmmaker and one is in ministry. Though I've never experienced to the extent what you currently are, my children were certainly far from perfect during the difficult high school and college years. I stood by them as they went through some life-altering events ... events that, like your son, changed their lives forever ... events that have played a significant role in making them the adults they are today.

My daughter wasn't raped and my sons are not rapists, but I've spent the last few days trying to imagine what my reaction would have been were that the case. I love my children more than life itself, and each of them would quickly tell you that I have defended them countless times over the years. When my children were in the right, I defended them with every ounce of strength and determination within me. As, in my opinion, should every parent. But when my children were in the wrong, I was the first person to insist not only that they take full responsibility for their actions, but that their punishment be abundantly adequate for whatever wrong they had committed. It wasn't that I didn't love my children or that I didn't want only the best for each one of them ... of course I did, and of course I still do. But I also wanted my children to one day become adults who had a full and complete understanding of the difference between right and wrong. I wanted them to become adults who would never forget the far-reaching impact that their actions could have, both positive and negative alike, on their lives and the lives of others.

While it is true that no one can ever be fully assured of how they will respond in any given situation, I am certain that had one of my sons committed the same crime your son has been found guilty of committing, my letter to the judge would have been very different than yours. I am also quite certain that I am not the only parent who would have not only expected, but requested that the judge sentence my son to the time that I would know in my heart he deserved. I would have told my son that he needed to recognize the seriousness of his crime. I would have told my son that he must understand that privilege or social status or athletic ability could not and would not factor in to him receiving the just punishment for the crime he had committed. I would have told my son that he could not blame alcohol or the desire to be part of a group for his actions. I would have told my son to stand up and admit what he had done. I would have told my son to take sole responsibility for his actions. I would have told my son how much I loved him and made sure he knew my love for him would never change. But I never would have minimized his crime or written a letter to the judge saying that my son didn't deserve to spend multiple years in prison for "20 minutes of action."

Had my daughter been the victim of a sexual assault, I would have done everything in my power to ensure that her assailant was sentenced to the maximum amount of time in prison allowed by law, as I'm sure the parents of the young woman whom your son assaulted did. Honestly, it makes me physically ill to even consider the horror of my only daughter being raped ... to think of her being vilified by the media and treated as though she was somehow responsible for her attacker's crime ... to see the fear in her eyes ... to know that her life would forever be altered by the violent and selfish act that had been committed against her. I would have committed myself to helping my daughter know that what happened to her was not in any way her fault. I would have told her that she did nothing wrong and that no person ever has the right under any circumstances to force themselves upon another. I would have told her a million times and then a million times more that I believed her. I would have told her how very proud I was of her for not allowing the person who assaulted her to take one more shred of the beautiful person she is away from her. I would have told her over and over and over and over and over again how much I loved her and made sure she knew that my love for her would never change.

I am well aware that you will probably never read my note, but many other parents will ... thousands upon thousands of parents of sons and parents of daughters will. I am truly sorry for you ... had your letters to the judge been different, you could have helped your son understand the seriousness of what he had done and to accept the consequences for his actions. You could have helped your son become a better man, but instead you chose to minimize his crime and justify his actions. You see, Mr. and Mrs. Turner, you didn't just send a letter to the judge in your son's case, you sent a note to the entire world that leaves little to no mistake that rape culture is not only alive and well but that it is thriving. A note that screams the message that rape is something to be chalked up as a mistake and that young affluent white males should be punished differently than other rapists.

I truly am sorry for you ... you could have helped to change the world for the better.


Terrie