It's Just in Your Head

Back in February when I wrote the post "Every Single Morning" about my dear friend Debbie, she had just been moved out of ICU following two heart surgeries. The last few months have been tough ones for Deb as the doctors have tried to figure out the best plan of action to ensure her full recovery. And recover she will, of that I have no doubt because she's one of the strongest gals I know. I met Debbie for breakfast last Saturday morning at the place where all good old Southern women meet for breakfast. Can you guess? Well, Lord, help ... we met at Cracker Barrel, of course. As we talked and laughed and feasted on our most delicious egg breakfasts, my mind floated back to when Debbie and I first met more than 25 years ago ... 25 years ago ... holy cow ... where did the time go?

There were a couple of things I learned about Deb right from the start ... she's a Southern gal through and through, and she's hilariously funny. She can quote lines from Steel Magnolias better than anyone I know, and she knows the only tea worth drinking is sweet tea. She knows that grits are a staple of life, and she raised her two sons to love Kentucky basketball almost as much as she does. Debbie has such a gift when it comes to making people laugh ... even during the darkest of times, she can make me smile. I will never ever forget the day she helped me empty Mom's apartment after she passed away. Everything I touched of Mom's that day caused memories to come flooding into my mind and tears to pour down my cheeks. Until ... until Debbie started talking about some of the hilarious things Mom had said or done over the years, and before I knew it, I was laughing and reminiscing right along with my dear friend as we packed Mom's things. To this day, when she reminds me of the Victoria's secret undies we found in Mom's dresser drawer, I just can't help but laugh out loud.

Deb and I talked about a lot of things last Saturday morning as we ate, including how she's feeling and what the next steps in her treatment will be. I listened intently as she talked about the different types of heart rhythms ... all kinds of fibrillation types I know absolutely nothing about. In fact, I'm not sure that fibrillation is even a word. I listened intently as she told me about her pacemaker and defibrillator that were placed during her recent surgeries. I was listening so intently, in fact, that I didn't notice the twinkle in her eye or the shift in her tone as she began telling me the following story.

"One afternoon, I heard this beeping noise but I thought it was just something outside or on the TV, and it eventually stopped and I didn't think anything more about it. Until the next day at the same time when I heard it again ... it was the same beeping sound as the day before. My husband was nearby so I asked him if he could hear it, and he said no that it was just in my head. It was a couple more days before he finally heard it and we figured out that the beeping was coming from inside my chest. Turned out it was my pacemaker and I had to go to the doctor so they could fix it. It wasn't in my head at all ... it was in my heart."

Needless to say, I cracked up as I listened to Debbie's tale of the mysterious beeping noise ... I could picture her repeatedly asking her husband if he could hear the sound, and I could picture her searching all around her house trying to locate where the sound was coming from. I tried to picture myself in the same situation, and I know for certain I wouldn't have been nearly as calm as Debbie. Oh, no ... we all know what I would have done. I would have been completely freaking out to the point of convincing myself that I was losing my mind. 

I've obviously been thinking about Deb's beeping story a great deal over the last couple of days or I wouldn't be writing about it tonight. While I smile each time I think about it, it's not the humor within my friend's story that has taken up residence in my brain. What's had me in a relentless state of pondering for the last couple of days is the whole head vs. heart dilemma, and I'm not talking about the origin of Debbie's beeping sound. So very often, I find myself caught smack dab in the middle of my very own head vs. heart dilemma. Some of you probably know exactly what I mean because you've felt the same way. Times when your mind tells you it's not safe to jump, but your heart screams, "Go for it!" Times when your heart whispers, "They've got your back," but your mind is shouting, "Danger, Will Robinson ... danger!" Times when your mind says, "Wake up and smell the coffee, dummy," but your heart insists that someone cares as much about you as you do about them. Times when everyone around you tells you it's just in your head, but you know down deep inside what no one else knows ... you know it's not in your head at all ... you may be the only one who knows, but you know it's in your heart.

It's just in your head, friends ... or is it?