Losing Control

When I was young, I always wanted to have a horse of my own that I could ride anytime. We lived in the city, though, so having a horse was out of the question. But, my sweet daddy recognized that longing in my heart, so he often took me and my niece Sharon to a friend's farm so that we could ride his friend's horse. Sharon and I would take turns sitting on the front of the saddle and guiding the horse through the backwoods trails that wound around the farm's extensive acreage. Most of the rides were uneventful and pleasant, since the horse was a gentle beast that matched his gait and speed to our direction from tugs on the reins. I remember one ride, however, that was quite different from all the others.

It was a warm summer day, and I was the one directing the horse along the path. All of a sudden, something spooked Copper the horse, and he took off at breakneck speed, heading straight for the woods and a line of trees. Nothing I could do would stop the wild ride, and before we knew it, my niece and I were hanging on for dear life as Copper raced through the trees. Branches slapped our faces and arms as the crazed and wild horse seemed to pick up speed with every forward motion of his hooves. Just as the thought ran through my mind that Sharon and I were going to die in the woods, I looked up and saw a huge branch approaching that appeared to be at about the level of our waists. Before I could utter a word, the branch caught me in the gut and propelled me directly backwards to the ground, taking my niece right along with me in the fall. Amazingly, neither of us suffered any major injuries, unless you count our severely wounded pride. As we trudged back to the barn, I remember saying out loud, "That horse was out of control. There was just no stopping him."

Looking back, I think it was easier as a kid to just accept that certain things ... or horses, as the case may be ... are just not within our control. With youth seems to come a greater ability to roll with the punches, take things as they come, adapt easily and quickly to change. I've often wondered at what point in our life development we suddenly decide that as adults we must somehow be able to control so many things ... our employment, our health, our relationships with family and friends, even our God. We struggle and strive and pull and push and grasp and grapple to gain some sort of control over things that, quite honestly, are not at all within our power to change or alter in any way ... things that are, again, quite honestly, most often unchangeable because they are meant to grow us or teach us or humble us in some way that we cannot see or understand when we are in the midst of them.

In recent months, I've gained a whole new perspective regarding control ... physically, emotionally and spiritually. And a huge part of that new perspective is coming to the realization that it's only in giving up whatever semblance of control I thought I had over any of those areas of my life and completely surrendering myself to the total control of God that life has any real or true meaning and significance. It's more than a little bit interesting to me that it has taken me over 50 years of living to finally understand that concept, to come to terms with what it means to give up, to let go and let God. That's all ... just let go and let God. While the world tells me to scratch and claw and fight to hang on to "my" power, to "my" control, to "my" world, God's Word tells me that what I need to carry, to pick up, to hold on to is the cross of Jesus Christ.

Help me to let go, Lord ... to let go and let You lead my way. Help me to lose control, Lord ... to lose control of me and trust You to hold me in Your arms ... to lose control and rest in You.