Hermitude

I love words. And that's a good thing since my profession is that of senior editor. But seriously, I really love words. I love written words. I love spoken words. I love words that are sung. I love words that are. I love words that were. I love words that will be. I love words that should be. There is power in words, healing in words, hurt in words, love in words, remorse in words, pain in words, joy in words, quiet in words, fear in words, praise in words, elation in words, judgment in words, hope in words, peace in words. I seriously love words.

Occasionally, I stumble upon a word that is new to me, that I've never heard or seen before. And more often than not, those seemingly random unknown words carry some deep meaning or hold an underlying lesson that is meant for me to learn. It always amazes and fascinates me that I seem to discover a new word at just the right time ... that a word comes into my world and completely fits with my life's circumstances or experiences of the moment.

While I am normally a very social and outgoing person, I've recently been experiencing a time of withdrawal ... a time of wanting to simply lock myself away and have little to no interaction with anyone. As I've previously written about in other posts, when I am hurt or frustrated or upset or lonely or sick or frightened or ... or ... or, I have a strong proclivity for climbing into my "cave" and hiding those feelings and emotions from the outside world. Those times I understand ... those times I can define a logical reason for my desire to retreat and be alone. This time, however, is different ... deeper, longer lasting, all-encompassing ... this time is different, and I don't understand it at all. I've always been able to pull myself out of whatever funk I was in, pray my way through the darkness, take someone else's hand and allow them to walk me back to the light of day. But this time ... this time I'm having trouble finding my way out of the cave. I am ashamed that I'm here; I am frustrated that I'm here; I am frightened that I'm here.

And then today ... today I encountered a word ... hermitude. The word was used in an email sent to me by a friend ... "Embrace your hermitude. God has you in this place and time for a reason. He means to grow you through this, enable you through this, teach you through this, humble you through this, break you through this. Embrace it, my friend, embrace your hermitude." Doing what I do best, I immediately searched for the definition of this new word, thinking in my arrogant wordsmith mind that I had a good idea of what it meant. My negative interpretation involving separation and isolation quickly dissipated when I read the following sentence in connection with the definition: "For the one in hermitude, a simplicity of life and thought begins to unfold." Wow ... wow ... wow. Maybe, just maybe, that's why I'm here in this cave right now ... to learn to be simple in life, to be humble in thought.

God, I don't even pretend to understand why I feel the way I do right now. I don't even pretend to fathom the depth of this cave I am in. I do, however, know that You are Lord over all things. I do, however, know that You will never leave me alone. I do, however, know that I love you, Lord ... I trust You, Lord ... in the brilliant light of day or the shadowy dark of the cave ... I trust You.