"I Can Taste the Love"

There are some feelings people simply cannot begin to understand until they experience them firsthand. Like grief, for example ... it's impossible to truly understand the heartbreaking sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one if you've never lost someone you love. Or the feel of your newborn baby in your arms if you've never been a parent. Or the pain of a broken heart if you've never been in love. Or the burn of saltwater in your eyes if you've never gone for a swim in the ocean. Or the joy of friendship if you've never had a friend. There was absolutely no way I could ever understand the very special love of a grandparent for their grandchild until I became a "Ghee" myself.

I've been missing my two little Canadians a ton lately ... there are times when I miss them so much it just plain old hurts. And when you put missing my little kids on top of missing my big kids ... well, that's one big old heaping chunk of missing the people I love most in this world. I've tried lots of different activities to ease my lonely Ghee and mom heart when I get a bad case of missing my little family like I have been recently. From putting in extra hours walking out on the trail to hanging out at my favorite bookstore to writing to sleeping to ... dare I say it? ... even shopping. Yep, sometimes I miss my bigs and littles so much, I even try shopping with the hope that it will make the missing go away. And you know what I've learned? I've learned that nothing ... absolutely nothing ... will ever make me stop missing my grandgals and my kiddos. But ... there is one thing I can do that at least makes me focus more on past memories than on present loneliness ... cookies ... lots and lots and lots of cookies.

Being diabetic means I can't eat cookies, but it doesn't mean I can't make cookies. So when I'm missing my kids as badly as I have been in recent weeks, I bake cookies ... usually on Sunday afternoons because for some reason, that's when my quiet and empty house seems to be unusually quiet and empty. Even though I can't eat the cookies I make, the aroma of freshly baked cookies in the house helps with the missing somehow ... it helps me focus more on how blessed I am to be a mom and grandma than how much I miss my kids and grandkids. I know it's weird, and I can't explain it, but mixing and baking and smelling those cookies makes me feel like my bigs and littles aren't quite so far away.

Now I know you're wondering what I do with all those cookies I make ... and trust me, I've been making a ton of cookies lately ... since eating them myself would send me into a diabetic coma quicker than I could say, "Yummmm." So here's what I do ... I put all those cookies into containers and I take them to work on Monday mornings and put them on a table for my co-workers to enjoy. And nine times out of ten, the cookies are gone by mid-afternoon ... if I do say so myself, I make killer chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookie bars. Some people make a point of saying thank you to me, while some ... well ... some don't. But last week ... last week, one young man who hasn't worked at the company very long and who always thanks me for the cookies said something I will never ever ever forget.

"Terrie ... why do you make all these cookies for us when you can't eat them? That's got to be hard for you."

"I make cookies when I'm missing my kids and my grandgirls," I replied. "And I bring them to you guys because you're like my kids to me."

The young man wrapped his arms around me and gave me a giant hug as he said, "I can taste the love in every bite, Terrie ... in every single bite ... I can taste the love."

At first I thought he was referring to the love I have for my children and granddaughters, but later I realized that wasn't what he meant at all. He was telling me that he understood and appreciated the way I love and care for other people, and more specifically, the people I work with every day. That sweet young man had no way of knowing how desperately I needed to hear his words that day, friends, nor did he know how very, very much they would touch my heart ... not just on that day, but for all the days to come.

"I can taste the love in every bite, Terrie ... in every single bite ... I can taste the love."