Most days during the work week, I eat lunch at my desk ... except when I bring tuna for lunch, and then I eat in my car so the folks who sit near me don't have to smell it. But today, I ate lunch at The Mixx, and I had a quite delicious salad ... field greens, grilled chicken, feta cheese, edamame and sliced almonds, with blue cheese dressing on the side. I didn't eat there alone ... if you know me, you know I don't go out to eat alone ... I had lunch with an amazing young woman I met last year at a conference where I was speaking. She's a former professional soccer player and a successful businesswoman, owning one of the fastest growing gyms in Kansas City. I love the way she describes herself in her role as a personal trainer ... "I am one part best friend, one part sensei, one part street fighter, and final part cheerleader." She's an inspiration for sure, but even more, she's one of the nicest, kindest, most genuine gals I've ever known.
We talked about a lot of different things at lunch today, and I quickly realized that I could learn much from my young friend about what it means to accept who I am and live a truly authentic life. I nodded in understanding as she spoke about all the years she begged God to change her ... all the years she tried to pray the gay away. My heart swelled with emotion as she told me of the day when she was 17 and God let her know not only that He loved her, but that He created her to be exactly who she was. I smiled as she talked about her upcoming wedding to the love of her life, and I laughed as she giggled about where they're going for their honeymoon. I sat mesmerized as she spoke about the need we as women have to feel safe, of how we are always aware of our surroundings and of the intuitive sense we have when we're in a dangerous or threatening situation. I listened intently as she talked about how often she and her fiancee are asked if they are sisters and of times when they feel they can't hold hands or put their arms around each other because of what others may say or do. I nodded ... I empathized ... I smiled ... I understood ... I listened ... I learned.
Sometimes it's easy to get so wrapped up in all the stuff I've had to deal with since I came out that I don't always think about the stuff other gay folks go through every day of their lives as well. I told my friend today that I would have never known she was gay had she not told me ... and yes, a big gigantic shame on me for assuming she was straight because she's a beautiful, feminine woman ... and her reply shook me to my very core.
"I have to come out every day, Terrie ... people look at me and assume I'm a straight female with a husband or boyfriend. Because I'm feminine and don't 'look gay,' I have to come out every time I meet someone new."
I never thought about that before my friend said what she did today ... I never once thought about the stuff that LGBT people who don't fit the stereotypical appearance mold that society dictates for those who are straight and those who are gay. But I can tell you I haven't been able to stop thinking about the stuff that she deals with every single day ... at least most people look at me and immediately pull out their gay card. I simply cannot imagine how difficult that must be ... having to come out time and time and time again ... saying that she's marrying a woman in a few months ... explaining and, in some cases, even justifying her sexuality over and over and over again. I never thought about it before, but you can bet I'm thinking about it now and you can also bet that I'll be thinking about it for a very, very long time.
So to you, my friend, thank you for lunching with me, but thank you for so very much more ... thank you for teaching me, for listening to me, for sharing with me, for inspiring me. And thank you most of all for being the wonderful, kind, compassionate, giving person you are ... thank you for being you ... awesome you.
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