Wednesday, April 13, 2016

If it Doesn't Fit

Just a short post tonight because I'm tired and still have a gazillion things to do before I go to bed, not the least of which is to give a certain smelly wiener dog a bath. I must say that I've never liked giving a dog a bath, mainly because I've never had a dog that liked getting a bath. Every dog I've ever had, no matter how great of a dog they were, spent so much time trying to get away or shaking water all over me that I was both drenched and exhausted by the time we were done. I hated the entire experience of dog bathing ... until Ollie. I know a lot of you don't believe me, but he really is one of the most well-behaved dogs in the world, including during bath time. He paddles in the water, he plays with his toys, he even licks my face ... he really is a dream dog. Wait ... why am I talking about giving Ollie a bath? That's not what I intended to write about at all ... it seems that the older I get, the more easily I can get sidetracked and end up a million miles away from where I started. Sheesh ... this getting old biz is definitely not for sissies. 

It's time for a rant I think should be considered "Brad rant" worthy ... that's what our little family affectionately calls my son Brad's passionate discourses about things he feels strongly about, "Brad rants." So here's my Brad rant for tonight ... why do people wear clothes that don't fit them? Now before you go off on me and send me a million emails, I'm talking about all shapes and sizes of people ... large people, little people and in between people. I don't care what a person's body type or weight is, whether they're male or female, old or young, people shouldn't wear skin-tight clothes. The guy at Home Depot last night who had on spandex workout pants ... he might as well have been naked because everyone within 20 feet of him could see his junk. The gal at the front desk at my doctor's office tonight ... I'm surprised the circulation to her feet wasn't cut off because her pants were so tight. The teenage girl on the trail a couple of days ago ... I thought for sure her boobs were going to bust right out of her stretched till it could stretch no more t-shirt. Hey, wait a sec ... I made a funny without even meaning to ... get it? Her boobs were going to bust ... go ahead and laugh ... I sure am. 

Seriously though ... even my homeless pals who get most of their clothes out of the trash don't wear clothes that are five sizes too small for them. Now again, before I get a ton of emails ... I'm not saying people should wear clothes that are so big they look like they're wearing a gunny sack. I'm just saying people should wear clothes that fit. If the pants are so tight, you can't feel your feet ... don't wear them. If the shirt is so tight, you can't feel your boobs ... don't wear it. And if the spandex is so tight ... forget it ... no guy should ever wear tight spandex workout pants anywhere, not even at home.

No "here's the thing tonight" ... no philosophical, life-changing lessons. Just this ... if it doesn't fit, don't wear it ... and I'm not just talking about clothes, friends. Think about it ... think about it indeed.

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