Midlife Spring

Some experts say that experiencing a midlife crisis comes without rhyme or reason to all of us at some point during our 40s or 50s. You simply awake one morning and decide that you need a new convertible or a new career, or in more drastic cases, a new spouse or a new family. Other experts will argue that a midlife crisis occurs because of external circumstances or pressures in your life that cause you to reevaluate what is most important to you.

I'm not sure which of these is true, but perhaps they both are to a certain degree. I do know that for me personally, I began to feel a definite restlessness in my soul as my children began to leave home to go to college, which, coincidentally perhaps, coincided with my entrance into my 40s. I dreamed of selling everything I owned and moving to a small village in Alaska (my Northern Exposure, Men in Trees phase) or starting my own publishing company (without any cash to do so) or writing the next great American novel. I changed jobs (from one advertising company to another) during this time in my life, and I thought my midlife crisis was over.

Then, a little over two years ago, my 85-year-old mother died unexpectedly while sleeping in her favorite chair. For six months, I felt as if I were moving and working and speaking and operating in a fog. I couldn't seem to get a handle on my grief, and I found myself thrown headlong into a major midlife crisis. I was uneasy, unsettled and unhappy.

It took almost two years for me to come out on the other side of the fog, and I'm still not sure of who or what I want to be when I grow up, but I am happy again. Or perhaps I should say that I am content now. Content to be the woman God wants me to be and to go where He wants me to go. Maybe someday that will be as a full-time speaker and writer, an English teacher on a distant mission field or continue in my current job and minister to those I work with each day. Wherever, whenever or whatever, I simply desire to follow Jesus Christ with all of my heart, soul and mind.

I bought a Jeep Wrangler shortly after Mom died, dealing with the whole midlife convertible issue. Definitely, I might add, one of the best decisions I've ever made. There's nothing like a ride in my Jeep with the top down on a warm spring night. The stars above me, the wind in my gray hair ... peaceful, playful and perfect.

You see, I learned something after losing Mom and going through my midlife crisis. Life is short, even if God graces you with 85 years of life as He did Mom. It's the little things that truly count, the little things that, at the end of the day when you close your eyes in sleep, make you know that it was a good day. Like driving your Jeep on a warm night, waving to a little girl in the car next to you at the traffic light, taking an extra moment to talk to the gray-haired greeter at Wal-Mart, telling your boss you appreciate him or her, walking your dog at dusk, eating a warm chocolate chip cookie, or a million other little things.

Midlife? It's not bad. Not bad at all.