If it Tastes Like Dirt ...

There are several sports-related memories that I have from all my years of playing basketball, softball, tennis, and yes, even a neighborhood football game or two. Some of those memories are more vivid than others ... like the basketball game when I had the opportunity to score the winning point and completely missed the backboard when I shot the ball, or the final game of a softball tournament when I struck out every single time I stepped to the plate to bat, or the tennis match when I won every set against the top-ranked player in town, or last but not least ... the neighborhood football game when I was tackled and ended up with my face planted firmly in the dirt. I quite distinctly remember the taste of that dirt because I got a mouthful of it that day ... it tasted like ... well, it tasted like dirt.

For a while now, everything I eat or drink has tasted like dirt ... it doesn't matter what kind of food it is or what kind of liquid, every single thing tastes like dirt to me. Even gum tastes like dirt. Toothpaste tastes like dirt. My beloved sugar-free Cool Whip tastes like dirt. One day last week, I got the sheer genius idea that perhaps I should eat a spoonful of dirt and see if it might taste like cheesecake smothered in caramel sauce or a hot fudge sundae ... nope, the dirt tasted like dirt, too ... go figure, huh? And my idea wasn't nearly as irrational as you're thinking ... one of my kids ate dirt for a while, and the doctor said there was a mineral in the dirt that my little one needed.

I mentioned the whole dirt taste thing to a friend a couple of weeks ago and quipped that there just had to be a blog post waiting to be written in regard to it somehow. She's an avid reader of my blog, and she didn't hesitate to say, "Only if there's a lesson in it ... only if there's something God is teaching you through everything tasting like dirt. You can't blog about it if there isn't a lesson in it." I've thought a lot about her words, and I've asked God more than a time or two what in the world He wanted to teach me through such a thing as the taste of dirt. And it wasn't until this afternoon when I was out on a very long bike ride that it struck me ... it struck me that His lesson for me was a big one, one that I didn't anticipate or expect, one that I never imagined in all my questioning of a reason or His purpose that might lie within my dirt-filled mouth.

When I left the house to head out for my ride, I had packed some extra food into my backpack and loaded an extra water bottle onto the second bottle holder on the frame of my bike since I knew I was planning to travel a lengthy distance. Reaching the halfway point of my ride, I pulled over to the side of the trail, climbed off my bike, took off my backpack and sat down to eat a power bar and some peanuts. As I tossed the nuts in my mouth, I said aloud, "Dirt ... these peanuts taste like dirt." And as I guzzled the tea in my water bottle, I said, "Dirt ... this tea tastes like dirt." I stretched out on my back and looked up at the trees waving in the wind above my head, and that's when I knew ... that's when I heard what God was saying ... that's when I understood what the lesson was.

Unless I tell people that my food tastes like dirt, they don't know ... they can't know that every bite I take is like eating a mouthful of dirt unless I tell them, and the same is true for my soul. If there's dirt in my soul ... no, wait, when there's dirt in my soul ... people don't know the dirt is there unless I open up and tell them ... unless I give them a taste of what's inside my soul, they don't know. I can't help but think that's true of so many of us ... we walk around with our hearts and souls buried under big piles of dirt ... the dirt of guilt, the dirt of shame, the dirt of dishonesty, the dirt of envy, the dirt of greed, the dirt of gossip, the dirt of anger, the dirt of judgment ... some of us have giant piles of dirt stacked on top of our souls ... some of us have giant piles of dirt, friends. While I have no idea how to rid myself of the dirt taste within my mouth, I know there is only one way to rid myself of the dirt within my soul ... confession and repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.

I've been listening to the music of the band Cloverton a lot since I went to their concert last Sunday, and some lines from the song Send Down Your Grace have been stuck in my head for the last couple of days ... lines that remind me that when God looks at me ... He doesn't see the giant piles of dirt ... He sees His grace ... He sees His mercy ... He sees me washed ... washed in the blood of the Lamb.

"I have gazed deep into my imperfections
And this is where Your love stays strong
Rescued I've been but then blind I become
To the grace that has sent my soul free
God make my weaknesses Your mighty strength over me

Send down Your mercy, send down Your grace
Send down Your love to this place
Here with Your presence, show us Your face
Send down Your mercy, send down Your grace
Oh, wash my soul, make me whole
Make me white in the blood of the Lamb
Here I am."