Two Whole Years

It's hard for me to believe that tomorrow will mark two years since my little wiener dog J.R. passed away ... two whole years. Some days, it feels like forever ago that he waddled into my world, and some days, it seems as though it were only yesterday. But every day ... every single day, I miss my little guy.

As I drove home from work this evening, my mind was filled with memories of J.R., and I couldn't help but think about how much my life has changed over the last two years. Some of the changes have been good ones, and some of them ... well, some of them not so much. I've lost a lot of weight, and my blood sugar is under control. My calf muscles like look like chiseled steel from all the miles I've walked on my trail. My understanding and appreciation for my children and their faithful, unconditional love for me has grown a gazillion-fold. I've come to realize that the dearest and best friends are often the ones I didn't expect to be the most loyal and faithful I've ever known. I've experienced the darkness that depression brings, and some days I've struggled against an overwhelming desire to just be done or to run away. My heart has been heavy and saddened, and loneliness has become my constant companion. I was blessed with my amazing, beautiful, genius granddaughter C.J. and have found that the love I have for her is deeper than I could have ever imagined. I recognize more than I ever have before that life is fleeting ... that life is short ... that life is easily missed if I'm not careful.

Two whole years since you left, fat buddy ... two whole years since we said goodbye that Sunday morning ... you wrapped in your favorite blanket, snuggled in my arms, licking my face, letting me know that it was time to let you go ... and me ... me sobbing and telling you over and over and over how very much I loved you, promising to make your journey worth what you did for me. You changed my life, little guy ... you changed my life in a huge way. I hope you're running and jumping and barking in heaven ... and I hope I'll see you again one day.

Tomorrow is World Diabetes Day ... I miss you, J.R. ... I surely do miss you.