Don't even think about giving me a hard time about the following confession ... sometimes when I can't sleep, I watch old clips of The X Factor or American Idol on YouTube. I love the heartfelt stories about some of the folks who make their way to those shows with the hope of becoming famous and changing not only their lives but the lives of their families as well. People like a guy from Kentucky who was a farmer and a chicken catcher and went on to win the contest ... a guy who came on the stage for his audition wearing well-worn clothing and a backwards ball cap and carrying a guitar. The judges were obviously not impressed by the man's appearance, and even less impressed by his strong Southern drawl as he answered their questions. But ... then ... he ... began ... to ... sing ... and the judges and everyone else in the auditorium were impressed. They were more than impressed ... they were completely blown away. I had some heavy stuff on my mind last night as I watched the clip of Kevin Skinner singing "If Tomorrow Never Comes," and it only took a few seconds for the tears to start rolling down my cheeks.
I don't think it's coincidence that I happened upon Kevin's audition on YouTube last night, especially considering the conversation I had with a sweet friend earlier in the evening. We talked for a couple of hours ... the son of someone she is very close to committed suicide a few weeks ago. My heart broke for her and everyone who knew and loved the young man as she talked about the weeks leading up to his death ... about how withdrawn he had become, how he had isolated himself from his family and friends, about the depression that engulfed him. She couldn't see my heart pounding within my chest as I listened ... I know that behavior ... I know those feelings ... I know that darkness ... I know that behavior all too well. I know what depression can do to a person's mind ... how it can rob someone of the will to live ... how it can convince someone that dying is the only way to end the pain.
This morning after logging into my computer at work, I immediately searched Spotify for the song "If Tomorrow Never Comes." As I listened to the words of the song ... really listened to the words ... I was struck by the significance of the meaning contained within them. If tomorrow never comes, will the people I love know how much I love them? If I go to bed tonight and don't wake tomorrow morning, will the legacy I leave behind be love? We get so caught up in the busyness of life ... deadlines and schedules and meetings and rules ... we get so caught up in the tyranny of the urgent, and we assume there will always be a tomorrow. But the truth is that one day, there won't be ... for every single person alive, one day tomorrow won't come.
My daughter-in-law called me this evening ... I always love those random, unexpected calls from my children. We talked for about an hour until Matt insisted it was his turn to talk, and though he couldn't see me, I got a huge smile on my face when his first words were, "Hey, Mom, do you have any room in your suitcase?" I asked what he wanted me to bring, and I smiled broadly at his answer. After assuring me that he and Becca won't care if I wear the same shirt every day for the nine days I'm visiting, I agreed to pare down my clothing selection in order to have room to accommodate his request. Both Becca and Matt said they're excited for me to arrive, and C.J. is beside herself now that it's only a week until "Ghee come to Boo's house." As we ended our call, I said what I say every time I say goodbye to any of my kiddos ... "I love you." I decided many, many years ago that when I end a phone call or visit with my children, the last words they will always hear me say are "I love you." If tomorrow never comes, I want them to know to the very core of their being just how much I loved them. I hope I live my life that way with every person I know ... if tomorrow never comes, I hope they know how much I loved them.
If tomorrow never comes ... will they know how much you loved them?
1 comment:
Amazing. A few weeks before his passing, I heard that same song on my way to the gym. Had heard it numerous times but this time, it really struck me. I texted my friend and told him that I never wanted a day to go by where he didn't know how much I loved him and how special he is to me.
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