Though some of you will most definitely disagree with me, I've decided there's no such thing as pure coincidence, especially when it comes to the people whose paths have intersected with my own over the years. I simply can no longer attribute meeting certain people to accidental happenstance or random chance, nor can I deny that each one of these persons enters my life journey at exactly the time they are meant to do so to accomplish exactly the purpose they are meant to accomplish. Sometimes that purpose is to love me when it feels as though no one in the world even likes me ... sometimes it's to kick my butt and get me back on the right track when I'm ready to give up ... sometimes it's to cause me to be sensitive to the wounds of another when all I can feel is the pain of my own ... sometimes it's to make me laugh at myself when I do something supremely stupid ... sometimes it's to wipe my tears when my heart is breaking ... sometimes it's to teach me life lessons when the last thing in the world I want to do is learn them. Accidental acquaintances? Chance coincidences? Random rendezvouses? Haphazard happenings? Odd occurrences? My answer to those questions? Nope, nope, nope, nope and nope.
A few years ago, the company I work for enlisted the services of Jenne Fromm ... life coach, motivational speaker, business consultant, Ironman triathlete, mountain climber, wife, stepmother, dog lover, blogger, runner with bulls, business owner, generally all-around incredibly amazing person ... all that and she's younger than me. Oh, and one more thing about Jenne ... a lot of those amazing things she did after surviving cancer. I always look forward to Jenne's teaching times at our office, and I can honestly say she challenges me to think and feel and care and work and listen and love and search and try in ways I've never been challenged to before. If you ever have the opportunity to hear her speak, do it ... I promise you'll be glad you did. Jenne's blog is one of the very few ... okay, one of the two ... that will cause me stop what I'm doing and read it as soon as I know she's posted an entry. That's why I immediately clicked on a link Jenne posted last week on Facebook ... a link to a post she wrote back in December 2008 titled "To Friends and Family of the Recently Diagnosed" ... a post that moved me to tears as I read.
Though Jenne's wise and wonderful advice in the post was specifically directed to friends and family of those who have been recently diagnosed with cancer, I realized as I was reading that her words are applicable to many other situations, illnesses and emotions that all different kinds of people deal with every day. Jenne listed 13 things friends and family can do to help a loved one who finds out he or she has cancer ... practical things many of us would never think of doing, yet things that would make such a difference to the one we love. I didn't even get past the first suggestion in Jenne's list before I understood that the words "recently diagnosed with cancer" could easily be replaced with so many others ... words like "recently depressed" or "recently divorced" or "recently lost a child" or "recently laid off" or "recently widowed" or "recently came out" or "recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's" or "recently excluded by family" or "recently angued with a spouse or partner" or "recently ..." or "recently ..." or "recently ..." I knew the wisdom Jenne shared in her very first suggestion was for me and for you and for everyone who loves someone who is sick or hurting or alone or depressed or scared or grieving or dying.
"You have no way of knowing … heck, they won't even know how they feel. Just be ready to be hit with any and every emotion. And don't judge. And don't force. And don't assume. I said that already. Just don't."
I realized something else when I read Jenne's words ... I realized how fortunate I am to have people in my life who love me enough not to judge ... not to force ... not to assume ... and I'm adding one more, Jenne ... people who love me enough not to leave.
There's only one way to close tonight's post and that's with the words Jenne used to close hers. (An extra special thank you to Jenne for trusting me with her wonderful words!) It's not often I ask you all to act on what you read in my blog, but tonight I am ... don't just read Jenne's words, do them. Do what you can when you can where you can however you can ... right now. Don't wait until tomorrow ... don't say you're too busy ... don't think for one second you can't make a difference ... don't ever underestimate the healing power of love, friends ... never, never ever underestimate what love can really do.
"You can tell your spouse you love him or her. You can be grateful for the little things. You can make a donation to your charity of choice. You can smile at the bald woman at the mall. You can count your blessings. You can stop taking everything personally. You can stop worrying about if you have the right dress or the right shoes or the right car. You can listen to someone when they are talking – really listen. You can tell your child it is okay to ask questions to the lady that looks different. You can give someone a second, third or 70th chance. You can hug your kid when she spills chocolate milk on her t-shirt. You can tell your dad thanks …for everything. You can send someone a card the next time they are going through something and just say "I don't know what to say but saying nothing isn't an option." You can tell your mom you are proud of her. You can open the door for someone else. You can remember that we are all connected. You can ask for what you want instead of complaining or pouting. You can stop trying to be who you aren't. You can say thank you to the waitress, the doorman, the person who holds the elevator. You can give someone else a break. You can worry a little less and start living a little more."
(To learn more about Jenne or to schedule an event, click here to visit her website.)
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