Weiner Dogs and Toilet Seats

"The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." --- Maya Angelou

So I think it's probably pretty safe to say that most of us act at least a wee bit differently at home than we do when we're out in public. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say that most of us who want to keep our jobs or not be kicked out of a restaurant or relegated to the "what a weirdo" section at church or the softball field or the local library at least attempt to keep the odd things we do at home exactly there ... at home. But humans being humans, I also think it's pretty safe to say that most of us wonder a little, or a lot, about what other people are like when they're tucked away in their homes. Who among you hasn't wondered if the president of your local bank throws on a pair of pretty close to worn out basketball shorts and a t-shirt with more holes in it than a piece of Swiss cheese the minute he gets home at night? And don't even tell me you've never pondered what your doctor really eats and drinks when he or she is in the comfort of their own favorite recliner. Or if the sanitation dude is a total neat freak. Or if your coach at the gym gorges on Rocky Road ice cream. Or if ... oh, say ... if by some remote possibility the writer of a fairly successful blog has a wiener dog who jumps in her lap every single time she sits down on the toilet.

It's hard to believe that next week will mark five years since Ollie the wiener dog came to live with my sweet old girl Julie and I. I'll always remember the first time the two of them cuddled next to each other in my bed ... after Julie decided she didn't hate Ollie, of course. But what I can't remember is just when it came to be that Ollie started jumping in my lap when I sit down on the toilet to pee or poop. Perhaps he did it from day one, and I just don't remember my little wiener dog's totally weird and unusual bathroom etiquette, though I think I would remember such a monumental occurrence. After all, it's not like I've ever had any other dog who insisted on making himself right at home on my lap during such a personal and private activity ... thank goodness. Truth be told, it really doesn't matter when or why or how Ollie decided to keep my lap company while I take care of ... well, you know ... all that matters is that he does it every single time without fail. All I have to do is head in the direction of the bathroom and he comes running ... heck, I've even seen him leave his food in the middle of eating so that he can run in and jump on my lap the minute my butt hits the toilet seat. Since I know some of you are wondering ... Mr. Oliver doesn't do anything while he's sitting there other than to look like he's a regal king seated upon his throne ... all he needs is a little crown and one of those kingly-looking robes in wiener dog size of course.

I know I began this post by talking about the things we do at home that we don't ever want anyone else to know about and then I went right ahead and told you about the rather strange toilet habit I share with my little wiener dog. Want to know why? Because as weird as it is that Ollie jumps in my lap when I'm on the toilet and even weirder that I let him do so, it is undeniably funny, and my guess is I'm probably not the only person who needs to laugh at myself once in a while. Every now and again, I need to have a good hearty chuckle over some of the enormously silly and crazy things I do when I'm home alone ... and all of the time, I most certainly need to not take myself so seriously. And my guess, friends, is that I'm not the only one who could use a good strong dose of both of those things ... laughing and lightening up, that is. My guess is that I'm not alone in being absolutely terrified of what people will think of me if I let them inside my home to see the real me ... my guess is that there are more than a few of you who think and feel exactly the same way.

Wiener dogs and toilet seats ... while I never would have thought I'd be saying this, those two things just seem to go together now ... they do indeed, friends ... they most certainly do indeed.