God Showed Up

Perhaps one of the things I miss most now that I have diabetes is having the freedom to eat a houseful of comfort food when I'm sick. You know the kind of food I'm talking about ... chips and dip, ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup and caramel, a whole everything-in-the-world-on-it pizza (yes, I used to eat a whole pizza by myself when I was sick), Twizzlers, Milk Duds and Hot Tamales candies, Kraft macaroni and cheese (yes, the whole box) ... well, you get the idea. So yesterday when I was stretched out on my couch moaning to Julie and Ollie about my rolling stomach, I was also moaning about how I missed all those comfort foods. Weird cause it's my stomach that's upset which means that if I could eat all those foods, I would surely be paying homage to the stool in my bathroom for days to come. I was channel surfing while I was moaning and groaning and whining and complaining, thinking perhaps it would take my mind off of the forbidden food list ... hmmmm, it's funny how much I want something when I know it's off limits ... the whole forbidden fruit thing, you know, or forbidden carbs and sweets I suppose. You'll never guess what movie I stumbled upon in my quest for something to watch that would consume my mind and calm my tummy ... yep, Forrest Gump. I know I've written about Forrest several times before, but I also know that I've said that it seems like each time I watch it, God teaches me a new lesson. And that's exactly what He did ... God showed up and taught me a big lesson through the words of Forrest and Lieutenant Dan.

Because he made a promise to his friend Bubba who was killed in combat, Forrest buys a boat and starts a shrimping company. He soon discovers that he's a terrible shrimper, having little to no luck in harvesting the beady-eyed little critters. Forrest's former lieutenant, Dan, the guy Forrest rescues from the same battle where Bubba lost his life, made a promise to Forrest that should he become a shrimp boat captain, he would be his first mate. And just like Forrest honored his promise to Bubba, Lieutenant Dan shows up on the dock one day in his wheelchair (he lost both his legs in the battle Forrest rescued him from, by the way) to honor his promise as well. Now Dan had a mighty big chip on his shoulder, and he'd been carrying enough anger since his injury to fill a warship ... anger at Forrest for saving his life, and anger at God for not letting him die. Lieutenant Dan's arrival to Forrest's newly established shrimping company didn't do anything to change their luck at catching shrimp ... not a single thing. For as angry and filled with doubt as Dan was about many things, including the shrimp business, Forrest had faith ... simple, childlike faith. He went to church every Sunday, sang in the choir and believed that things would somehow always work out in the end.

As I laid on the couch nursing my upset stomach, it was a scene when Forrest and Dan were out on the boat trying to catch shrimp that spoke to me yesterday. Forrest hauls in the net and opens it to reveal one shrimp ... one measly shrimp. Dan asks Forrest, "Where the (bleep) is this God of yours?" And it was what Forrest said as he narrated the story of his life to the person sitting on the bench next to him as they waited for the bus that struck me ... struck me right to the core of my heart. "It's funny Lieutenant Dan said that, 'cause right then, God showed up." I won't recount the rest of what took place in case you haven't seen the movie, but suffice it to say that Forrest and Dan rode out a hurricane on the open sea and Dan made his peace with God.

I recently met with a group of dear ladies who are in charge of planning a retreat that I'll be speaking at in September to discuss plans for the event, their theme and the topics they felt led for me to speak about during the sessions. As we ate together and I listened to them talk about some of the details of the event, I felt a heaviness settle on my heart as I struggled to determine God's direction and leading as to what I should talk about when I spoke. Where are You, God? I thought to myself. Why aren't You speaking to me about this? What am I supposed to say at the retreat? Where are You? And then it happened ... God showed up in a big way. I suddenly felt strongly led to share with the ladies about the desert I had been in over the last year ... all the ladies on the committee have been to events where I've spoken, and I felt an incredible leading to be transparent with them about my journey. I began to tell them about how depression had wrapped its tentacles around my brain, about the shame and isolation that accompanied it, about how it had rocked the very foundation of my faith to take the medications. Though I tried my best not to, I couldn't stop the tears that filled my eyes as I talked. I told the ladies that I'm not the same speaker I was before ... the journey of the last year has changed who I am on many levels and that I am learning ... learning ... learning ... learning that God is humbling me, causing me to bow down before Him and surrender to His will and His way, to acknowledge my arrogance and pride, and understand that I am nothing without Him. I used to think that God had called me to be a speaker because I was good at it ... now I know with every fiber of my being that God has called me to speak for one reason only ... because He is good at it ... speaking has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. As I finished talking, the ladies looked at one another and said, "That's what you should speak about ... say what you just said ... that's what we want you to share."

God showed up at our meeting, ladies ... He showed up in a big way ... and something tells me He's going to show up at your event in September, too. My prayer is that He will lead and guide your planning and that He will be present in every detail of the weekend, that He will bring the ladies who need to be there, and that He will make me an ever humble, ever obedient, ever faithful servant for Him.