13 Days

I knew when I woke up this morning that it should be a suspenders day ... red and green plaid suspenders with a red shirt, jeans and red Converse shoes. I knew it should be a plaid suspenders day for two reasons ... it was our Secret Santa reveal lunch today (another first for me in the 10 years I've worked for the company, and it was a ton of fun), and it was my last day at work until January 2nd. Our office closes from Christmas through New Year's, and I have three remaining vacation days for the year that I was encouraged to use rather than lose. That means beginning tomorrow morning, I will be off from work for 13 days. I knew it should be a plaid suspenders day because I wanted to dress Christmasy for the lunch today, and I needed something to put a smile on my face to help me cover the sadness that was already beginning to sweep through my heart.

See here's the thing ... it used to be that I looked forward to the week off at Christmas. When my kids still lived with me, I loved having extra time to spend with them. Sometimes we traveled, either to Tennessee or Colorado, but some years we stayed home. Even after the three of them moved out, I continued to enjoy my time away from the office ... the kids and I would get together and celebrate Christmas and my birthday; I spent time with friends going out for lunch or dinner or to see movies; I was involved in church activities and ministries. I used to enjoy my time off from work ... not so much anymore. Instead of waking up being excited about the upcoming holidays, I woke up wondering what in the world I'm going to do for the next 13 days.

It's weird, I know, but I'm really kind of lost when I don't have to go to work each day. And it's about way more than just the physical act of having to get up and get ready and go to the office ... it's about the people there ... people who make me smile even when I don't feel like smiling ... people who are genuinely happy to see me each day ... people who love me not in spite of who I am but because of who I am. As I got ready to leave the office this evening, there were lots of hugs and lots of heartfelt I love yous and spirited Merry Christmases between me and my work friends. I managed to keep the tears at bay until I got into my car, but the minute I put my key in the ignition, the liquid filled my eyes, spilled over and ran down my cheeks.

As I drove home feeling quite overwhelmed and very alone, the all too familiar urge to withdraw and isolate myself from everything and everyone began to wash over me. But then another thought began to work its way into my mind ... I started thinking that maybe I should ask you to send me your ideas for things for me to do to keep myself busy for the next 13 days.

So here's me asking for your help by asking for your ideas ... those of you who know me know that I sure don't ask for help easily (that's an understatement, huh?). The stupid head doctor would be so proud ... that she would indeed.