A few nights ago when I couldn't sleep, I decided I would try to make a dent in the mountain of unread emails in my inbox. As is always the case, there were some that were positive and encouraging and some that were just plain old mean. It was after reading one particularly scathing rant about me burning in hell for all eternity that I decided I'd read enough for one night and was getting ready to close my email when the notification of a new email popped up. I sat with my finger on the button trying to decide whether to read it or not as I said aloud to the empty air around me,"Maybe I should read just one more ... maybe just one more." And with that, I clicked open the email and began reading ... I began reading a letter from a mom whose daughter had committed suicide on the night of her 17th birthday. The woman's words were heart-wrenching ... absolutely heart-wrenching as she painted a perfect picture of the young woman who was her daughter, and I wept as I read. Their story is one I've read too many times over the last couple of years ... far, far, far too many times, my friends ... too many young lives lost, too many grieving parents left behind.
While all of the woman's words were powerful and touching, there was one paragraph that left me reeling ...
"There are so many things I should have said to her. I should have said it was okay to be who she was. That I knew. That she could tell me. That it didn't matter. I should have said I loved her. That nothing could ever keep me from loving her. That she was perfect just the way she was. There are so many things I should have said that I will never have the chance to say now. My beautiful daughter is gone because I didn't say what I should have said."
Regret is such a tough thing ... perhaps one of the toughest things in life to deal with. The standard dictionary definition of regret is "the feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity." The last two words of that definition are particularly haunting to me ... missed opportunity. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I didn't have "that" conversation with my mom and dad ... I should have talked to them about who I am. I had countless opportunities both when I was young and as I grew older, but I never said what I should have said to my parents. I should have trusted their love for me ... I should have believed in them ... I should have told them the truth. But like the mother who will never have the opportunity to say what she should have said to her daughter, I will never get to say what I should have said to Mom and Dad ... and I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I've read a lot of letters over the last couple of years from a lot of hurting people ... from teenagers who are afraid to go to school because of the names they are called ... from middle-aged folks who are terrified of what they might lose if they tell the truth ... from senior citizens who have lived in hiding their entire lives. I've read letters from children who have lost their parents and parents who have lost their children. I've read letters from people who are sick, people who are lonely, people who are overweight, people who are struggling in their marriage, people who are gay, people who are straight, people who are depressed ... I've read a lot of letters from a lot of hurting people. Take a guess as to how many of those letters are laced with regret ... how many of them contain the words, "I'm sorry I didn't ..." ... how many of them are filled with the words they should have said.
Say what you need to say, friends ... say what you need to say to the people you love before it's too late. Don't let what you need to say become what you should have said.
2 comments:
What the girl's mother should have told her daughter was the truth from the Bible. Why do you think so many gay people commit suicide? It's because they know in their hearts they are breaking the commandments of Scripture and going against God's will. They cannot live with the guilt of their sin and that is why they choose to die. It is time for Christian parents to stop listening to the secular media that is shoving gay is good with God theology down our throats and go back to the basics of God's Word. Then children would stop dying because they would know the truth and the truth will set them free.
Okay, Anonymous, you win the end of the week prize for making me angry enough to reply to your comment. So congratulations to you!
While I refuse to get into any sort of right vs. wrong theological debate about the interpretation or meaning of certain verses in the Bible, I argue with my dying breath that the Bible has far more to say about love and compassion than it does about hating anyone or any sin. I could quote verse after verse to you (from memory, I might add, including book, chapter and verse) in which the Bible references the need, and dare I say it ... command, for us to love one another. Period. No ifs. No ands. No buts.
Your lack of compassion for a mother who has lost her child is abhorrent and disgusting to me, and is in direct and flagrant contradiction to Scripture. And even more, it's an insult to the example of compassion, humility and concern for the hurting people of the world that Jesus Christ himself modeled.
Shame on you, Anonymous, shame, shame, shame on you. I don't care that we have different views or different beliefs, but I do care that you choose to spew your vitriolic hate and indifference to the feelings of others by commenting on my blog. Go read someone else's ... or better yet, spend your time reading the Good Book you claim to know so well.
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