Sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday that my three children Matt, Brad and Meghann were little tykes ... actually, the older I get, the more often I find myself wondering how all those years flew by so quickly. Matt turned 30 a few weeks ago ... Brad will be 27 in the fall ... Meghann is now 25 ... seriously ... where did all those years go? It couldn't possibly be 30 years since I first became a mom ... it feels like only yesterday that the three of them were playing in the sprinkler in the front yard or making sugar cookies with my mom or building Legos in the basement. As I'm sure is true with most of us who are parents, sometimes when I see the wonderful, caring, happy adults they have become ... well, sometimes I don't see two young men and a young woman ... sometimes I look at them and see my little ones. I see all three of them snuggled together in my bed as we read books on a cold winter's night ... I see three little heads of white blonde hair and piercing blue eyes ... I see my three precious babies as they drew their first breaths and wailed their first cries. Seriously ... where did all those years go?
People who are divorced often talk about how vulnerable they felt when their marriage ended ... about the overwhelming sense of loss they experienced as they tried to make new lives for themselves. And if you spend time talking with them, almost without fail, they will talk about how incredibly difficult it was to lose their sense of belonging. Think about it ... often, your couples friends feel forced to choose a "side" ... you lose the relationship you once had with your former spouse's family ... people don't know what to say or how to feel when they're with you. With the stroke of a pen and a decree from the court, you go from being together to being separate ... from belonging with someone to not belonging. If you've never had to experience those feelings yourself or walked through them with a friend or family member, you should get down on your knees right now and thank God because it's not an easy place to be ... trust me. In fact, I personally believe that having a sense of not belonging anywhere may well be one of the leading causes of suicide. It's tough to go from being "part of" to being "disconnected from" ... suffice it to say you can totally trust me on that one for sure.
Driving home after work this evening, I started thinking about something Meghann said to me one day when we were walking home after she got out of school. She was either in kindergarten or first grade ... I can close my eyes and see her blonde, blonde hair and those big blue eyes, her little pink backpack and her favorite sneakers. As we walked down the sidewalk, she slipped her hand into mine and sweetly said, "I'm glad I belong to you, Mom," to which I replied, "And I'm glad I belong to you, Meggers ... I'm so glad we belong to each other, babe." I remembered Matt announcing in a loud voice when Brad was a baby, "She's my mom, Brad ... she belongs to me." And I remembered a sobbing and terrified little Bradley falling into my arms one dark night as he said, "I belong with you, Mommie ... I belong with you."
The truth is I've lost my sense of belonging more than once or twice in my life ... okay, more like a million times in my life ... and some of those times, I wondered if I'd ever belong anywhere again. But I've come to understand something over the last couple of years ... pay attention because this is super important ... even when I don't belong anywhere else on the face of this earth, I will always belong in the hearts of those three little blonde-haired, blue-eyed kiddos who tore through the family room on Big Wheels ... those three little pranksters who dumped a whole bag of sugar on the carpet and topped it off with glitter ... those three little sweeties who sat in my lap, slept on my shoulder and snuggled in my arms.
If I'm blessed to belong somewhere, friends, there's no place I'd rather belong ... no place at all I'd rather belong than there.
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