When I began writing this blog, I had no idea of the plan that God had for it ... no idea of the subjects I would feel led to write about ... no idea of the direction life would take me. I've tried my best to write from my heart, and sometimes my heart is funny ... sometimes my heart is hurt ... sometimes my heart is thankful ... sometimes my heart is grumpy ... sometimes my heart is happy ... sometimes my heart is weary. I started penning this blog because the guy who designed my website for my speaking ministry said I needed to blog, but that's not why I blog now. I blog now because I feel that God has called me to blog. And though I don't understand why, I have felt that He has called me to be honest about my journey ... the good and the bad and everything in between.
I know that being a Christian affects how I write ... being a mom and grandmother affects how I write ... being a sister affects how I write ... being a daughter affects how I write ... being a writer affects how I write ... being a friend affects how I write ... being a diabetic affects how I write ... being depressed affects how I write ... being single affects how I write ... being me affects how I write. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this blog contains the thoughts and feelings and emotions that belong to me ... it's my blog, and I'm writing what I feel God places on my heart at the time. And I believe that God has used the words that have filled these posts to His glory, not because of me but in spite of me, to speak to some of you who are currently fighting or have struggled with the same things I have.
For the most part, the comments and messages I receive concerning my posts are positive and encouraging in nature, and to those of you who send those, you will never know how much they mean to me. So many of you I've never met and never will this side of heaven, and yet God has brought us together. Every now and again, though, I receive comments that are ... well ... suffice it to say that they are not exactly positive and encouraging. I know that the folks who send along those types of comments probably do so from hearts that are in the right place and they don't necessarily intend to hurt or wound me with their words. And some would say it's constructive criticism and that I should have a better attitude about receiving it. But to that I say again ... I've tried to write from my heart ... and this blog contains the thoughts and feelings and emotions that belong to me.
So, to the anonymous person who left a comment earlier on the entry I posted last night ... I removed your comment. You mentioned another person whom we both obviously know, and you used her first and last names ... not cool, even though your reference to her wasn't derogatory in any way ... using first and last names is something I never do in my posts, nor will I ever. It's also pretty obvious, by the way, considering the person you named, that you are someone who is either from my church or attended there in the past ... you obviously know me, but since you choose to refer to yourself as anonymous, I don't know who you are. And by the way, "attention-seeking" and "drama-filled" ... it's words like those that make me think I should never pen another blog ... it's words like those that make me want to never leave my house again ... it's words like those, my friend, that pour salt into my already sorely wounded heart. If attention-seeking and drama-filled is who you or others think I am, or what people think the last couple of years of my life has been about ... then I suppose there's nothing left for me to say.
"... for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16: 7b
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