Snow Baby

When my son Matt first began sending resumes and telling me where some of the universities were located where he was seeking a position, my heart did a flip-flop. And the night that he told me where he would be interviewing ... Utah, California and Canada ... my heart did an even bigger flip-flop. Truthfully, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when he called that evening. I was walking on my treadmill, and when I hung up from our call, I cried like a baby at the thought of my firstborn and his little family moving so far away. I've been spoiled all these years by having all three of my children living within a two-hour drive from me. And I've been guilty of allowing the days and months and years to slip by and life to get too busy and not taking advantage of their nearness and spending more time with them. Remember my post about secret regrets a few days ago? Well, I'm now experiencing a ton of regrets, and not so secret ones either, about taking it for granted that my children would always live near me.

Matt was offered a position on Friday at the university in Canada ... and he accepted, as he should because it's an incredible opportunity for him. The school is among the top research universities in the world ... yep, the world. Matt will be working and teaching alongside some of the greatest professors in the world ... yep, the world. My mind is so very proud of him and knows that he has worked hard for many years to obtain such an outstanding position. My heart, on the other hand, can't even begin to think about the day when I will have to say goodbye to my sweet son, wonderful daughter-in-law and precious little C.J.

I managed to hold it together on the phone with Matt when he called Friday night to tell me his exciting news, but the minute we said goodbye, I broke down and sobbed for most of the night. I think I finally went to sleep around 2 a.m., with puffy and swollen eyes and an aching heart, and the tears washed over me again off and on all day yesterday. I haven't spoken with Matt since that call, but when I do, I will summon all the strength that remains within me and be the mom he deserves ... one who loves him more than he will ever know, one who wants only the best for him and his family, one who will encourage him to pursue his dreams and live his life to the fullest. I will be the mom who will always love him, near or far ... I will be his mom who loves him with all my heart.

At the end of our conversation Friday evening, Matt said, "C.J.'s gonna be a snow baby, Mom ... she's gonna be a snow baby." My little angel will soon be making snow angels with her Mommie and Daddy ... in Canada ... wow ... my son is moving to Canada.