I Still Love You

There were times, a few times anyway, during my children's youth, when they misbehaved. And some of that misbehavior was, especially when they were teenagers, serious enough to warrant difficult confessions on their part ... those are the kinds of conversations every parent dreads, I suppose, but they are also ones that drew us closer together and ones that will never be forgotten. It's funny ... there are a few of those talks that are so seared into my brain that I can tell you where we were sitting and what clothing my kids were wearing at the time. While most of those types of conversations involved some type of inappropriate behavior one of my children had participated in of their own free will, I also remember a couple of talks that involved something that truly wasn't within their control, something they couldn't prevent or change or overcome no matter how hard they tried. I remember a lot from those emotional exchanges with my kids, but one of the things I remember most is how no matter what their confessions were about, I still loved my children. There may have been the need to reprimand them or even place some tougher restrictions on them ... but I still loved them ... no matter what ... I still loved them, and I always made a point of speaking those words to them at the end of those often tough and tear-filled talks. You see, nothing my children did or were or will ever do or ever be will change my love for them ... I will still love them ... no matter what ... I will always still love them.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been attempting to carry out the directions of my doctor in completing my past-due homework assignments. Some of the tasks have been easier to accomplish than others, for sure, but the hardest has been the one that dictates I have some serious conversations with a few people ... people I love and care about, people who haven't given up on me and choose to still seek me out even during the deep darkness of the last year or so. To say that it's been humbling to look into people's eyes and confess and admit and apologize ... the word humbling doesn't even begin to scratch the surface in my feeble attempt to describe the work God is doing in my heart in this, friends ... doesn't even scratch the surface at all. It's hard for me to own certain parts of myself, and to then take that ownership and place it on the table in front of others and pray they don't hate me or run screaming into the night ... that definitely ranks well up the list of "Hardest Things I've Ever Had to Do" ... well up there, for sure.

There's a type of freedom and cleansing that follows confession, and perhaps that is why the saying, "Confession is good for the soul," has been quoted for centuries. I've learned some important things in my conversations from the last couple of weeks, not the least of which is that there is great power in certain words ... great power indeed. It's hard to appreciate the words, "I forgive you," until you are on the receiving end of forgiveness. It's difficult to understand the words, "Please don't hate me," until you are speaking them from an overwhelming place of fear of condemnation. It's impossible to comprehend the words, "I still love you," until you hear them spoken over and over and over again from those who really and truly do love you. God has taught me so many lessons in the last couple of weeks, but perhaps the greatest is that of staying, of not leaving. Two different friends spoke almost the same words to me ... "I'm not going anywhere, friend. Trust me ... I'm not leaving you. I still love you." And for as much as those dear friends demonstrated their love and faithfulness to me, my mind has settled on three verses from Romans ... verses that remind me that no matter what I've done or who I was or what I will do or who I will be ... God reminds me over and over and over that nothing can separate me from His love. He remains steadfast as He tells me ... "I still love you. I still love you. I still love you."

"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39