The Other Side of Me

Back when all three of my children still lived at home, I would sometimes (sometimes being the key word) get up on Saturday or Sunday morning and cook them a big breakfast. Lots of times that big breakfast consisted of eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy. But occasionally, I would make pancakes that they would smother in butter and maple syrup when I placed them on their plates. In all humility, I'm a pretty decent cook, not the greatest in the world, but pretty decent. And one of my favorite things in the world to cook used to be pancakes, partly because cooking pancakes in a skillet always reminded me of Daddy standing at the stove in the kitchen with a white apron tied around his waist as he cooked pancakes. But the other reason I loved cooking pancakes is because I was always fascinated with the way they cook ... browning and getting done on the side next to the heat of the burner while the side that was face up would bubble and look like a gooey, yucky, disgusting, inedible mess. The time always arrived, however, when it was time to flip the pancakes ... to turn them over in the skillet so that the gross side could cook and become as golden and delicious as the other side while the inside cooked into a fluffy, sweet, breadlike piece of yumminess. A fascinating process to me, indeed.

This morning as I drove into work, a song that was playing on my iPod caused the memory of pancake cooking to sweep through my mind, and I've thought all day about the two sides of the pancakes in the skillet ... one side looking like a well-cooked pancake should, and the other resembling a glob of goo. And when the lyrics to the song talked about the war between the two sides of our hearts and minds, I couldn't help but think that God must look down at me and think I'm just like those pancakes in the skillet. One side of me is cooking like it should, becoming who He intends for me to be, and the other side is still a bubbling, gooey, disgusting mess. And sometimes ... sometimes I wonder if the battle between the two sides of me will ever end.

But here's the thing, friends ... here's the thing about pancakes. In order for them to become golden and delicious ... for them to become the things we love and long for ... both sides of the pancake must endure the heat of the skillet ... both sides must face the fire ... they aren't real and true pancakes until they do. And the other thing about pancakes? The person cooking the pancakes has to know when to flip them over ... the timing must be perfect and meticulous so that both sides are cooked correctly. God knows the two sides of me ... He knows every stray thought, every unkind word, every burst of anger, every struggle I face. He sees what no one else sees, hears what no one else hears, feels what no one else feels. The side of me that's the cooked pancake is pretty and golden and delicious ... the other side of me, the uncooked side of the pancake ... not so much, not so much at all. And I know ... I know that I can't flip myself ... I can't do that alone ... I need the Master Chef to do the cooking.

Oh, and the song? The song is called "My Own Worst Enemy" by Casting Crowns, and I think it's fitting to end this post with the lyrics.

 "My Own Worst Enemy"
 

God, help me get away
Break the chains and set me free
From the other side of me
I am my own worst enemy

I caught a glimpse in my rearview mirror
Of an old familiar face
Blurry image coming in clearer
Of a past I can’t erase
I could’ve sworn I put him in the ground
But looks like he’s found his way out

God, help me get away
Break the chains and set me free
From the other side of me
I can’t fight this fight alone
I’ll never make it on my own
Lord Jesus, rescue me
From my own worst enemy

I’ll take a step and it’s right behind me
Always fighting for control
There’s a war that’s raging inside me
I feel the battle for my soul
It’s like my shadow is dragging me around
And You are my only way out

God, help me get away
Break the chains and set me free
From the other side of me
I can’t fight this fight alone
I’ll never make it on my own
Lord Jesus, rescue me
From my own worst enemy

Lord, help me feed the life I’m trying to live
And starve the life I’m trying to leave
Help me believe the old is dead and gone
And I am a new creation

God, help me get away
Break the chains and set me free
From the other side of me
I can’t fight this fight alone
I’ll never make it on my own
Lord Jesus, rescue me
From my own worst enemy