To Church or Not to Church

One of my best friends here in Kansas is a Southerner, a transplant from the heart of Kentucky, and she's lived here as many years as I have. We share a kindred spirit in our Southern heritage ... we both understand what Southern hospitality is all about; we know there is only one kind of tea, and that's sweet tea; we agree that the best way to say hello is with the word "hey," and if it's followed by the word "honey," that's even better; we can quote almost every line from Steel Magnolias; and we love, love, love Dolly Parton. She was one of the first friends I made after I moved here, and she's a keeper for sure. Her two sons are the same ages as my sons, and you can trust me when I say that those boys shared some adventures when they were growing up (think cow tipping, and you'll have a good idea of what I mean). Her oldest son now serves as a minister at the church I've attended for more than 20 years, and sometimes he delivers the sermons for the weekend. He's an incredible speaker ... one of the best I've ever heard, and I've heard a lot of speakers over the years. One of the things that always impresses me when he preaches is that he rarely looks at his notes ... he speaks from his heart, and I don't think I've ever heard him speak when I wasn't touched by something he said.

Last Sunday I spent the most of the day stretched out on my couch with the exception of spending a couple of hours taking pictures at a friend's son's graduation open house. I'm way far out of the loop when it comes to what's going on at church, and I didn't know that my Kentucky buddy's son was preaching last weekend. It wasn't until yesterday that she mentioned his sermon from the previous Sunday and said that I should listen to it on the church's website. I did ... and by the end of her son's heartfelt message, I was sobbing ... every word he spoke came straight from his heart ... and every word he spoke went straight to the core of my own. Here's the link ... http://olathechristian.org/teachings/ ... I would encourage you to listen for yourself; I promise you won't be disappointed. While his entire sermon spoke to me, it was something he talked about near the end of his message that really struck a chord deep within my soul.

The core of the sermon was about the story of Pharaoh and how we become like Pharaoh in our actions toward one another ... again, I would encourage you to listen to the message for yourself. But near the end of his sermon after reading about the fruits of the Spirit, the fruits of following Jesus that proclaim how we are really to treat one another, he talked about the 20-something age group and their lack of desire to attend church. Many young people of that age say they like Jesus, but they don't like the church ... and he's correct in that statement, I've heard some young people in my own life utter those very words. Then he went on to say that what people who make that comment really mean is that they don't like someone in the church ... someone in the church oppressed them in some way, someone in the church has been Pharaoh to them. Friends, that's a powerful insight, an insight that has had me thinking and wondering and contemplating if I've been Pharaoh to someone ... if I was the reason someone stopped attending church ... if I behaved in a manner that caused another to want nothing to do with people who call themselves Christians. The young pastor's words have made me get down on my knees and shed more than a few tears.

I'm not exactly sure why, but going to church is really, really, really hard for me now. Two years ago, I was active in many areas of church, from women's ministry to drama to Vacation Bible School. I had more friends than I could count, and I always looked forward to Sundays. Being at church was the highlight of my week ... learning and growing and sharing and worshiping with other believers. And now ... now, I wake up each Sunday and think, do I go to church today or not? Every single Sunday, I battle the "to church or not to church" question. And more often than not, I opt for not going. I know I need to go, perhaps more than I ever have before, and yet, it's so hard to go. I'm embarrassed when I cry there (and I cry a lot when I'm there) ... I'm filled with shame and guilt when I am there ... I'm lonely beyond measure when I'm there. Were it not for a friend who graciously encourages me to join her family at church, I know that I simply would not and could not go there on my own. And yet, at the same time, I miss it so very much, and as I listened to the sermon yesterday, my mind jumped back and forth between two things ... one a prayer, and one a verse from God's Word.

Please forgive me for the times I've been Pharaoh to others, God ... oh, please forgive me for those I've driven away from Your church, those I've oppressed or wounded or let down. Please forgive me for being Pharaoh, Lord, and help me to never be that person again.

"And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25