The first time I watched the television show Fear Factor, I thought I was going to throw up. People were eating the most disgusting things imaginable, getting covered in snakes or bugs or bees, and bobbing for chicken feet in a container full of rats. No amount of money could convince me to do any of those things ... never, never, never ... and I didn't ever watch the show again. But the producers were counting on one thing when they developed the show ... fear is a very powerful emotion that millions of people could relate to and that those folks would tune in each week to watch that emotion displayed in others. And they were correct ... for a few years anyway, until ratings began to plummet and the show was eventually cancelled.
I've been musing quite a lot about fear lately, about the power it can wield in our lives on so many different levels. Fear can stop us from loving, prevent us from listening, keep us from going... it can render us ineffective in ways we may not even realize. Fear can eat us up from the inside out ... it can destroy relationships, weaken hearts and souls, cause bodies to become physically ill. Fear can change who we are, what we believe, how we serve one another ... fear can ... if we let it ... cause us to run away ... to run away from love, from living, from letting God use us to minister to others.
Last night, I happened to click on a link that someone had posted on Facebook ... a link to a song written and performed by a young man named Jason Gray. As I listened to him sing, tears poured down my cheeks as word after word pierced my heart and I heard God saying, "Listen to the words, Terrie ... I want you to hear Me through these words." After the song finished playing, I immediately went to the iTunes store and purchased the album that contained the song, transferred the music to my iPod and laid on the couch listening to the young man's voice as he sang. And today, I read the young man's story ... the story of a young man who has stuttered since he was a little boy ... a young man who could have easily chosen to allow fear to consume him and chosen not to follow God's leading in his life. As often happens when I purchase an album because one particular song speaks to me, God had another song He wanted me to hear as well. I've got another post swirling around in my head about the first song, but today I've been overwhelmed with the messages God has pounded into my heart from the second song.
I have a few special friends who have stood by me through the darkest nights of the last couple of years, friends who refused to allow fear to stop them from loving me. I often think of the words of one of those friends spoken to me when I was having so many physical issues related to diabetes not long after I was diagnosed. I told her that I would understand if she didn't want to be my friend ... that I understood why others had distanced themselves from me. Her words were ones that I haven't forgotten ... "I don't run easily." A very simple statement that was loaded with meaning ... "I don't run easily." When I heard the words of the song Without Running Away by Jason Gray, I instantly recalled what my friend had said. But I said "messages" that God's been pounding into me from the song ... recalling my friend's promise to stick by me was only one of those. There are messages about hope, about not giving up, about being wounded, about being afraid to let go of pain, about trying to hear Jesus above the sometimes angry and condemning voices of those who say they follow Him, about finding my way in the darkness, about taking the risk of putting my heart out to others again and again and again, about fearlessly loving and not running away.
Tonight as I drove home from work listening to the song again, I had one overriding thought that kept coursing through my mind ... God is good ... He is so very good and faithful and just and merciful.
Without Running Away by Jason Gray
"I’ve spent some days looking
For a length of rope
And a place to hang it
From the end of my hope
But where I thought hope had ended
I always find a little bit more
It’s not like I’m trying
To be optimistic
If the truth be told
I’d rather dismiss it
And be free of the burden
Of the living that hoping requires
To bring my heart
To every day
And run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away
Jesus is speaking
But it’s so hard to hear
When disciples with swords
Are cutting off ears
Broken and bleeding
I’m waiting for healing to come
But wounded’s a part
That I’ve learned to play well
Though the wound may run deeper
Than I know how to tell
Where pain’s an addiction
That keeps me buried alive
But when it’s all that I know
I’m afraid to leave it behind
And bring my heart
To every day
And run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away
My heart is not lifted up
My eyes are not lifted up
But calm and quiet is my soul
Like a child with its mother is my soul
After a while in the dark
Your eyes will adjust
In the shadows you’ll find
The hand you can trust
And the still small voice
That calls like the rising sun
Come
And bring your heart
To every day
Run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away
You must run the risk of fearlessly loving
Without running away"
No comments:
Post a Comment