I've lived in Kansas City for 22 years ... that's where my house is ... that's where my job is ... that's where my life is. But my heart ... my heart will forever be in Chattanooga, Tennessee ... Chattanooga is where my home is. When I make the journey there, I always say, "I'm going home." And when I get there ... I breathe in the Southern air and declare, "I'm home."
Yesterday, I had a major meltdown ... at work. Not an angry yelling at everyone in my office meltdown, but rather an emotional sobbing my heart out meltdown. For all the things I've experienced in my life, I don't ever recall sitting in a conference room with one of the vice presidents of the company I work for and crying so hard that I could barely breathe ... yep, can't say that I've ever done that before or that I ever envisioned doing that ... ever. I remember saying over and over, "I just need a break," and she readily agreed with me and told me to go home ... to take a vacation ... to rest, to recharge, to relax.
So tonight, I'm in a hotel room in Chattanooga after a long, long day in the car. A friend came with me on this trip ... I'm finally willing to admit that driving such a long distance alone right now probably isn't a really great idea for me. She used her vacation time to accompany me, and she drove the entire distance. And as we came around the bend at the Nickajack bridge, the tears that consumed my day yesterday returned ... they returned in full force as I tried to tell my friend about going fishing with my dad on the expanse of water we were crossing. I get a lump in my throat every time I hit that stretch of highway, every single time I come home.
My only sister came to the hotel tonight after we arrived and brought dinner to us and visited for a while. She's aged since I saw her a year ago, but she came right in and began to mother me. She's a good deal older than me, and she's always mothered me. A friend told me last night ... "Go on the trip ... go see your family and let them love on you. Spend time with the Lord and your family ... let them love on you." And I told her in between sobs ... "I don't want them to see me like this ... I don't want them to see me like this." And her reply? "Oh, please ... go let them love on you."
I have a feeling that lump in my throat may linger with me this week ... it may linger indeed. But for tonight, friends ... for tonight, I'm home.
1 comment:
I don't know the circumstances that brought on your meltdown Terrie but whatever it is, you aren't alone. We are all human and can only handle so much before it really gets to us.
So I think your trip home was a great idea. And what a good friend you have. For that you are blessed. Also having a family to come home to is also a blessing. Mine are all gone now but for my children. I wish you well and hopefully God willing, your trip home will help recharge your spirit. Love Di ♥
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