Lest I Forget

A couple of weeks ago someone asked me a rather unusual question. I didn't think too much about it at the time, but over the last couple of days, I've come to understand that the question had far deeper meaning than I realized when it was asked of me. The question was offered up by one of my co-workers when she saw a photo of me from a few years ago ... a picture of me when I was ... well ... when I was very, very overweight. First came the usual statements that I've grown accustomed to hearing ... "You don't even look like the same person ... that can't be you ... you've lost a ton of weight." I'm especially fond of the "ton of weight" comments ... yep, especially fond of those for sure. And then came the question ... a question that no one has ever asked me since I lost half my body weight. "When you look in the mirror, do you still see yourself as a heavy person, or do you see yourself as thin now?" I didn't hesitate even a second as I answered, "I will always see myself as heavy ... always."

As I'm sure most of you do, each morning I spend time in front of the mirror in my bathroom. I dry my hair and spike it up with gel, put makeup on my face to help hide the wrinkles, floss and brush my teeth, and place earrings in my ears. For as much as I do each of those things on a daily basis, I can't remember a day when I've stood in front of that mirror and said to myself, "I sure am thin ... I need to gain some weight." I do, however, know that there have been countless times when I've gazed into that mirror and thought the opposite. See here's the thing ... it's way easier to see myself as the overweight, unhealthy, inactive person I used to be than to see who I am now ... the thinner, healthier, walking, biking, lifting weights person I view in the mirror each morning.

The song I mentioned in my last post that I listened to when I followed a link on Facebook, the song by Jason Gray that caused me to purchase his album, is the song that has made me return to ponder my co-worker's question more deeply as of late. Just as I need to be reminded of who I am physically, I need to be reminded of who I am spiritually. Just as I need to be reminded that I don't have the body I had three years ago, I need to be reminded that I don't have the heart I had before I met Jesus. On my refrigerator hangs a family photo ... a family photo taken when I was at my heaviest weight. Several people have asked me why I have that photo in such a prominent place ... a place where I am forced to look at it every single day. And my answer is always the same ... "I don't ever want to be that person again ... it reminds me of who I am now and of who I was before." 

For the days I lose my way ... for the days my heart is hard ... for the days I am lonely ... for the days I forget, Father ... remind me who I am, Lord ... lest I forget ... lest I forget ... remind me who I am.

"When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can't remember what grace is

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can't receive Your love
Afraid I'll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it

Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You
To You

I'm the one You love, I'm the one You love
That will be enough, I'm the one You love

Tell me, once again
Who I am to you, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You"

---Jason Gray