Be Still My Heart

Both of my sons are hopeless romantics, and the women in their lives would quickly tell you they love, love, love that trait in my boys. They do and have done over the years some incredibly romantic things ... like when Matt filled a jar with 365 hearts that he cut from red, pink and white construction paper and wrote on each one something he loved about Becca. For a whole year, she would reach into the jar and read a love note from Matt. I know ... what a guy, right? Brad has more than once taken his guitar and stood under a gal's window and sang to her, and he is the king of roses ... he loves to send roses to the girl he is dating. I know ... how sweet, right? I'm telling you, my boys are romantics to the core, and I could fill this post with examples of ways they have declared their love to their girls over the years.

It amazes me sometimes that my sons somewhere along the path of growing up in a single parent home learned the importance of romance. Their father and I divorced when they were very young, and I rarely dated as they were growing up. And yet, somehow the two of them learned to treat the women they love with respect and honor and more than just a bit of candlelight and flowers. I've told my boys many times over how proud I am of the men they have become, and my daughter-in-law Becca has thanked me again and again for teaching Matt to treat her so well. My response to her is always the same ... I can't take credit for Matt's romantic side, that's simply the way his sweet little heart beats.

On a long meandering walk last night with my friend from Tennessee and my dogs, we began to talk about growing older and being alone and how frightening that can be at times. We talked about relationships and how complicated they can become ... about the pain that can accompany the dissolution of a marriage ... about the emotion that washes over you when you watch your children become young adults and begin their own lives ... about whether or not I would ever fall in love again ... about retiring to someplace warm and sunny. We walked and talked for almost two hours ... stopping and sitting by the creek for a while to let Ollie rest and let Julie play in the water.

This morning, I left my friend and the doggies snoozing and went for a walk at sunrise ... a silent walk ... I intentionally left my iPod at home so that I could concentrate on being alone with God rather than singing along to music. As I walked along enjoying the coolness of the morning air, my mind kept returning to the conversation of the previous night. I wonder, I thought ... I wonder if I will spend the remainder of my life alone ... if I will ever fall in love again ... if I could ever fall in love again. Tears pooled in my eyes as I walked ... alone in the cool morning air.

As I came upon the final bridge across the creek on my way home, I made a snap decision to make a detour into the woods and go sit for a while on the rocks by the bubbling water. I took off my shoes and socks and placed my feet into the cold water, and the minute I did, God began to speak to me as clearly as if He were sitting on the rocks next to me. "I've got your heart, Terrie, I've got it. You're not alone, and you never will be. Let your heart rest ... let it be still and rest in my love."

Be still my heart ... be still.