I Remember

Maybe it's my age or maybe it's my current state of mind, but I've been walking down memory lane a great deal lately as those of you who read this blog regularly know. Memories are powerful parts of the heart and mind, I believe ... some are sweet and tender, and some are painful and haunting. I consider one blessed who has more positive memories than negative, because there are times when good memories go a long way toward helping a person through a dark and lonely night.

I've written a lot about my family in this blog ... my children, my siblings, my parents, my grandparents ... because those memories and the relationships I had or currently have with them are part of what makes me who I am. I've been asked more than a few times why I never write about my marriage in this blog, because those years also served to shape the woman I am today. I've been asked if I've erased those memories from my mind, and the answer is no, of course I haven't. But I won't be writing about them in this blog, or anywhere else for that matter ... I simply won't.

Tonight, however, I am going to write a bit about my former father-in-law because he's been on my heart through the night last night and all day today. He suffered a heart attack earlier this week and underwent extensive heart bypass surgery yesterday. I remember well from my dad's heart surgery what a difficult and life-changing event that particular surgery is, especially for someone at Mr. Johnson's age. He and I had our differences during the years that I was married to his son, but after our divorce, he always treated me with respect and dignity. I've done a lot of remembering concerning him today ... and my own dad as well.

As I'm sure most of you have realized by now, my dad was a huge influence in my life ... and the memories I have of him continue to impact me even today. I remember so many things about Daddy, some small and some big. I remember him tossing a softball with me in the evenings when he came home from work. I remember him bringing home puppies in boxes. I remember him putting a worm on my hook for me. I remember him singing or humming or whistling ... a lot. I remember him swimming in the ocean when we were on vacation. I remember him praying. I remember him reading his Bible. I remember him giving his coat to someone in need. I remember him telling me he loved me. I remember him holding my children when they were babies. I remember him in the hospital room with me when I was in labor with Matt. I remember him at the back of the church in his tuxedo on my wedding day. I remember him talking about Jesus and how much he loved him. I remember him as he drew his final few breaths.

My former father-in-law was a minister his whole life, pastoring mainly small Nazarene churches in the South. I always called him Mr. Johnson ... never Dad or Willard .... always Mr. Johnson. I think it was a respect thing for me; for some reason, it seemed wrong not to call him Mr. Johnson. I remember a funny story he told at our rehearsal dinner. I remember how much he loved opening gifts on his birthday and Christmas. I remember that he often shed tears as he preached, especially when he talked about Jesus. I remember some quite heated arguments concerning the business he and my ex-husband owned together. I remember that he went for a long walk every single day. I remember that he didn't eat meat and that he loved pinto beans and cornbread. I remember how worn his Bible was. I remember the times he came to sit with me at the hospital in the last days of Daddy's life. I remember a tender and sweet conversation with him at Matt and Becca's wedding. I remember phone calls from him to my kids after my divorce and how he would always ask to talk to me, too. I remember that despite any disagreements we had, I always knew that he loved the Lord with all his heart.

So tonight, I remember ... I remember my father, and I remember my former father-in-law. I'm praying for you, Mr. Johnson ... for a full and fast recovery, for God's healing hand upon you. And I'm praying for all of your family as well ... I remember how much they all love you.