Apparently there are some things in life that are universal for all people ... you know, things that are the same no matter where you are. Things like going for a swim in a pool at a hotel, eating out at restaurants after church on Sundays, people being glued to the television when the weather is bad. Yesterday morning, I got up early and took Ollie for a walk in a little park not far from the hotel where I'm staying. As we walked along the path that ran around the outside of the park and playground area, I quickly received a lesson on one of those universal things ... people love wiener dogs, and people say hello to each other as they walk along trails. Just like my experience on my walking path at home in Kansas City, person after person stopped to pat Ollie on the head and chat with me. One woman, however, did more than chat, she shared a heavy burden with me and asked me to pray for her. Wow, I thought as Ollie and I began walking again, wow, wow, wow.
I must admit that there have been times over the years when I've said I would pray for someone, and I didn't always honor that promise. It's easy to quickly agree to pray, but it's not always so easy to have the discipline to follow through and actually hit my knees on behalf of another person. But yesterday morning, the sincerity in the woman's voice and the depth of need in her heart caused me to begin praying as I walked along with my little wiener dog. And as I prayed for this woman, this stranger on the trail, God began to speak to me in a strong and mighty way. It was almost as if He was walking along the gravel pathway with me ... talking to me and asking me to talk to Him. I began to sense a freedom in this prayer time with God that I'm not sure I've ever felt before, and as I prayed fervently for the woman I had met, I could feel a peace concerning her situation settling over my heart.
As Ollie and I stopped for a drink under a tree, I sensed that God was asking me to dig deeply within my soul and lay everything down at His feet. I sat on the ground beneath the massive oak tree and gathered Ollie in my arms as my tears began to fall like rain. For the first time, I talked to God about the anger I've harbored in my heart for the last months since J.R. died. I told Him I didn't understand why He took Him from me or why I was still struggling with so much grief over the little dog. I cried out to Him to take away the depression that has consumed my life for the last year. I spoke out loud to Him about the fear I have of the future complications of diabetes. I asked Him over and over to show me who He desires me to be. I wept as I begged for His forgiveness ... for my anger, for my lack of trust, for my pretense ... I wept as I pleaded for Him to lead me, to guide me, to heal me.
I'm not sure how long I sat under the tree praying, cradling Ollie and crying, but when I stood up, I knew that God was working in me, that part of the reason I felt so driven to make this trip was His desire to get me away from the routine of my everyday life so that He could speak to me. I'm as sure as I ever have been about anything in my life ... God is creating within me a new view of Him this week, a new view of others this week, a new view of me this week.
I'm ready, Lord, ready to be made new in You.
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