Choice Words

Today my oldest son Matt presented and defended his dissertation for his Ph.D. And after his presentation and the questioning session by a panel of professors, Matt was told that it is now official ... he is a doctor of marriage and family therapy. He still has some counseling hours to finish up, and then he will attend the graduation ceremony in May and receive his diploma. Oh, and by the way, the illustrious Ph.D.s on the panel told Matt today that his dissertation, his presentation of it, and his defense of his research was among the best they had ever read and heard. And one more bit of motherly bragging ... my Mattie had a perfect 4.0 all the way through both his master's and Ph.D. programs ... that's impressive by anyone's standards.

I had thought about Matt all morning and prayed for him to be calm and hold himself together under the pressure and not faint ... oh wait, that's when he sees blood, not when he's nervous. It was just before noon when I received a text message from him that said, "I'm a Dr." Tears rolled down my cheeks when I read his words ... his three simple yet packed with emotion and meaning words. I've always said that Matt was a man of few words, but when he speaks, his words more often than not resound with depth and meaning. He's a deep thinker, my Matt ... a very deep thinker. I'm sure that when he sent me the text today, he knew that I would immediately know and understand the unwritten meaning behind his words. And I'm sure that he chose those three small words after thinking for a while before he tapped them into his phone. You see, Matt and I know that life was tough for him growing up ... Matt and I know the road he traveled to reach today's big event ... Matt and I know ... my son and I know.

Matt could have chosen from a plethora of words to tell me his news today, but he chose his words carefully and he chose to use only three. Three choice words that spoke volumes and volumes to me, three choice words that let me know that everything that led up to today in my son's life was worth it all. He called me later in the afternoon to tell me all the details, and I sat at my desk at work and sobbed as I tried to tell him how proud I am of him, as I tried to tell him that I know more than anyone what he overcame to reach today's milestone, as I tried to tell him how much I love him. When I told Matt how smart I think he is, he said something that has pounded in my mind all afternoon and evening. He said, "I'm not any smarter than anyone else, it's all about hard work and determination and not giving up. You taught me that, Mom ... you taught me to work hard and never give up because that's what you always did, you worked hard and never gave up."

I don't know why it still surprises me when God chooses to speak to me so directly through the words of others, but my tears fell like rain as my son's words pierced to the very core of my being. So very many days now, I am ready to give up, to throw in the towel and give up the fight ... so very many days. Two friends sent me emails today about not giving up, about taking one day at a time, about not being alone in the fight. I think God wants me to listen, friends ... I think maybe He's sending me a message ... "I'm a Dr."