Come What May

It's hard to believe that it has been nine years since my oldest son Matt moved out of my house to a small town two hours away to attend college. I well remember that day, and the drive home after unloading his things from my car and kissing him goodbye. That two-hour drive felt like a cross-country road trip, and I sobbed like a baby with every passing mile. The tears flowed when Brad and Meghann moved out as well, but the pain when my first child left was different somehow, perhaps because he was the first ... the first to be born, the first to say, "I love you, Mommie," the first to go to school, the first to date, the first to graduate (and also the last as it turns out), the first to get married ... he was the first, and it was hard to let him go. But ... I am so very proud of the man my son has become and all that he has accomplished over the last nine years.

Matt is on the final leg of his quest for his Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy ... he will defend his dissertation next week, and he will graduate in May. He has focused a good part of his work on the research side of therapy, and he hopes to become a professor. He has spent the last couple of months sending resumes and attending meet and greet conferences in various parts of the country. He has been fortunate that the school he is attending has paid to send him to the conferences to present some of the work he has done, so he's been able to network without having to pay a penny for those opportunities. Last week my daughter-in-law sent me a text that read, "Matt has an interview at a university in San Diego in March." As much as I want my son to find the job of his dreams in a place where he can use that smart brain of his to the fullest, as soon as I read Becca's words, tears filled my eyes and before I knew it, I was sobbing my heart out. And when I received a text from Matt a couple of days later saying that he had just finished an interview via Skype with a university in Utah, the tears returned and once again, I cried and cried and cried.

Though my son has been telling me for a couple of years that he would need to move in order to get the type of teaching position he desired, I think I've been in denial about the day when he would actually move far away. But now that he is almost finished with his degree and the interviews are beginning, it's becoming more real to me every day ... Matt and his little family are leaving ... his little family ... now it's not just my son who's moving, it's my son and daughter-in-law and soon to arrive granddaughter. As I thought today about how fast May will come, I couldn't help but think that for over 27 years, all three of my children have lived either with me or within a two-hour drive away. And I've taken that for granted, the close proximity of my kids. Just like so many other things in my life, I haven't fully appreciated their geographical nearness until I am now faced with one of them moving far away.

I left Tennessee over 23 years ago, and I never really thought much about how my move must have impacted my mom. She was in her late 60s when my ex-husband's job caused us to move to south Florida, and my dad had recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases. If ever my mom needed me to live nearby, it was then. And yet, not one time do I remember Mom begging me to stay or making me feel guilty for leaving or ever letting me see her sadness over my departure. She knew that I had to go, and she supported me even though I know it must have broken her sweet old heart to watch me leave. Mom never once told me she was afraid or lonely, but not long ago, I found a poem tucked inside of her well-worn Bible ... a poem titled, "A Prayer for Those Who Live Alone." A poem that caused my tears to fall like rain ... a poem that spoke volumes to me about my mom ... a mom who stood behind me even when I was far away, even when she was frightened and alone. Come what may, Mom wanted what was best for me ... always what was best for me.

The more I think about Mom and how she must have felt when I moved away from her and the more I think about Matt moving away soon, the more I've begun to think about how God must feel when I move away from Him, when the distance between us becomes so great, when the choices I make take me so far away from my heavenly Father. Though He may be frightened for my outcome, though He longs for me to return, He stands behind me ... loving me, calling me, missing me, waiting for me. You see, come what may, He loves me and He wants what is best for me ... always what is best for me.

May is coming soon, Dr. Mattie ... go get 'em, son, go get all those dreams in your heart ... go get 'em and always know that I love you ... always know how very much I love you.