I Give Up ... What?

Those of you who are parents of grown children will fully understand this statement ... there are things your kiddos did when they were young that you simply never forget. Even when my dad was deep in the throes of Alzheimer's and didn't know my name, he would sometimes look at me and say, "You're the little girl who dropped the roast beef in the bed of my truck and it slid under the lawn mower. You scooped it up and let the men at church eat it anyway." Long story worthy of its own post one day, but that was indeed me and Daddy never forgot my roast beef/truck/lawn mower escapade. Lately, I've had times when I feel like my own mind is evaporating right before my eyes, but I, too, have things about my children I believe I will always remember. Like Meghann and her "night-night" blanket that she carried until it was in pieces. I can still see her when she was a little girl, dragging that blanket everywhere she went ... I can still hear her screaming for her "night-night" when she misplaced it somewhere. Or like Matt and his total infatuation with the television series Dawson's Creek. I will never forget the week before we moved from the house we lived in when I was married ... Brad and Meghann were at church camp and Matt and I would pack each evening when I got home from work and then sit in the dark in the family room eating little containers of ice cream with plastic spoons while we watched Dawson's Creek. And then there's a memory I have of Brad asking me over and over and over ... "Hey, Mom, guess what?" For years, almost daily, and always randomly, Brad would utter those words and I would wonder how or why I was expected to be able to read my son's mind and determine just what it was I was supposed to guess. Sometimes I would quip back a nonsensical response to my beloved middle child, but more often than not, I would respond by saying, "I give up, Bradley ... what?"

In thinking about all the times Brad asked me the "guess what" question, I've come to realize that I usually gave up too soon in trying to guess what my son was thinking. I was a single mom raising three children on my own, and quite honestly, a lot of the time I was plain old tired and worn out. In the first few years following my divorce, there were times when I worked three jobs to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I was physically exhausted and emotionally and mentally drained from the stress of trying to make ends meet, take care of all the kids' needs, and deal with a not-so-nice ex-husband. But if I could turn back time, I would have stopped what I was doing and sat down and played the "guess what" game with Brad ... I wouldn't have been so quick to say, "I give up" ... I would have taken more time to try and figure out what was going on in his clever young brain. In fact, if I could turn back time, I would have spent more time with each of my three children ... more time playing, more time listening, more time loving. Oh, I know that I probably did the best I could do at the time, but there are some things I wish I wouldn't have given up on quite so easily, some things I wish I would have fought harder not to let go of ... things like playing and listening and loving.

I've had the whole "I give up" thing on my mind for a while for several reasons, and this morning as I drove to work, I noticed a personalized license plate on a car in front of me that read, "IGIVUP." Talk about God getting my attention ... good grief! My curiosity as to what type of person would put that phrase on their car tag got the best of me, and I swung into the lane next to the car and sped up to get a look at who was driving. In my mind, I thought I would see a grumpy-looking, hunched-over, wrinkled, old woman ... maybe like the Maxine character from Hallmark. Instead, as I glanced over to take a peek at the driver, I was surprised to see a well-dressed businessman who looked to be in his late 30s ... a nice-looking, sharply attired, young man ... not at all whom I expected. All day I've wondered about the young man and the words on his license plate ... all day I've wondered about him and if indeed he had given up, and if so, just what he had given up on.

The more I've thought about the young man today, the more I've wondered just how many people are ready to give up ... people who are tired, who are lonely, who are sad, who are homeless, who are sick. And the more I've thought about those folks, the more I've realized how many times I don't take the time to not just try and guess what is going on in their hearts and minds and lives, but to slow down and truly connect with them ... to slow down and offer them hope ... to slow down and listen to them ... to slow down and encourage them to hang in there for one more day. Just like I drove past the young man in his car today, so often I offer only a passing glance to those whom I know must be ready to utter the words, "I give up." And the more all of those thoughts have coursed through my mind, the more I've thought about how easy it is to do ... to give up and not even attempt to answer the "guess what" questions of life any longer.

So to the young man in the car this morning ... though you will never know it, God used you to make this old gray-haired gal think about some tough things, and I prayed for you today. Though I don't know the details of your life, I understand about giving up. To my Bradley ... if I could do it over, son, I would offer up a guess every single time you asked. And to the anonymous person who is leaving random number comments on my posts ... sorry, but I give up ... what?