Trail of Tears

There are certain events in life that I can't imagine them coming to pass no matter how hard I try, and sometimes I simply have to admit that I can't anticipate or control the emotions that will accompany those events. And it seems that it's when I'm floundering in the mire of my life and at my weakest point, God always has a way of stepping in and saying, "My child, do you not remember that I heal the sick and comfort the brokenhearted ... do you forget that I am the ruler of the universe ... do you choose not to believe that I will make a way for you, that I hold you in the palm of My mighty and all-powerful hand, that I love you in laughter or tears, sickness or health, silence or speech, standing or falling, strength or weakness? I am making a way for you, Terrie ... I am holding you, Terrie ...  I will always love you, Terrie. Your part, your part is to believe, to trust, to hold onto Me." And over the last two days, He has stepped in ... He's used my children, my granddaughter, and my friends to whisper in my ear, to wrap me in their arms, to remind me I am loved.

When I received a text from my son Matt early yesterday morning telling me that he and Becca were at the hospital, I was immediately overcome with emotion. Though I've been waiting for that news for months, I didn't anticipate the depth of my feelings when it was actually time for my son's baby to be born. And when he called me in the early afternoon and said, "She's here, Mom ... Coraline Queen is here," I sat at my desk and wept. And when I tried to tell the folks in my office who had been asking me all morning about the baby, I cried some more. And when a friend came by my house last night, I didn't just cry ... I sobbed. But for all the tears I shed yesterday, they paled in comparison to the liquid emotion that poured from my eyes today.

I knew I was in trouble the minute my feet hit the floor this morning as tears immediately filled my eyes when I began to think about meeting my granddaughter for the first time. I decided to just give in and let the tears flow while I was in the shower, thinking I would get the emotion all out of my system before a friend arrived at my house to travel with me. For all my trying to fight it, however, my tears fell like rain ... on the drive out, while my friend and my son Brad and I waited for Matt to come into the lobby and take us to see CJ, as I held that precious baby, on the drive home, and over and over again this evening. I didn't anticipate the emotion that would accompany the birth of my first grandchild ... I couldn't begin to imagine the feelings that would sweep through me when she was placed in my arms.

She is so beautiful, friends ... I wonder who she will become. I whispered in her tiny ear today and told her that I had waited for her. I kissed her soft little forehead and told her that her Granny loves her. I held her small hand and thanked her for letting me meet her. I gazed at her sweet face and tried to sear the look of her into my brain. And I heard Him ... I am making a way for you, Terrie, just as I will make a way for her ... I am holding you, just as you are holding her ... I will always love you, just as you will forever love her.