He Was Holding a Gun

As most of you know, I did a lot of confessing in this blog last year ... so much so that I officially deemed last year The Year of the Confession for me. I realized last night that it's almost the middle of the second month of 2014, and I haven't confessed a single thing to you this year ... well, nothing of substance anyway. And though what I'm about to tell you isn't life-changing for me, what follows in my post this evening certainly is ... and my hope is that it will be for you as well.

So what's my first confession of the year? I've never shot a gun. Nope ... not once in my entire life have I shot a gun. If I shot a gun when I was young, I don't remember doing so and I think that's something I would remember. My dad wasn't a hunter, but he did have a shotgun that rested on a gun rack that hung over the closet door in the basement of our house. I remember that shotgun very well, but I don't remember Daddy ever shooting it. I don't remember ever asking Daddy to teach me how to shoot his shotgun, or any gun for that matter, which is odd to me considering how much I loved to play army and cops and robbers when I was young. I don't know why I've never shot a gun ... I've held guns and looked at guns and pretended to shoot a gun, but I've never shot one. Nope ... not once in my entire life have I shot a gun.

Another thing most of you know is that my first confession last year was kind of big ... gosh ... that's an understatement if ever there was one, eh? That confession completely changed my life ... again, an understatement for sure. Some of the changes that ensued were expected ones ... difficult and at times hurtful changes, but ones that I anticipated would follow me telling the truth about who I am. I knew there would be rough waters ahead ... waters that would threaten to pull me under and suck out the last breath within me. But I also knew if I wanted to survive, I had no choice but to be fully, completely, gut-wrenchingly honest ... honest with God, honest with myself, honest with those whom I love, honest with all of you. Yes, that honesty has come with a price ... but it has also come with a peace as well.

I would be lying if I said I've never once doubted my decision to go public with the truth ... boy, would I be lying if I said that. But ... but ... but ... for as much as I knew there would be tough consequences to my public truth telling, I hoped that perhaps sharing my struggle would help just one other person keep living and keep trying and keep fighting for one more day. Today, friends ... today, I know I made the right choice ... today, I know Someone far bigger than me led me to write that post on New Year's Day and to produce the Ears Wide Open? video. I know that today because last night I received an email from the mother of a 16-year-old boy named Joshua.

Though Joshua's mother gave me permission to print her message in my post this evening, I've decided not to do so ... maybe someday I will, but not today. I do, however, want to close tonight with two lines from her note ... two life-changing lines. As you read them, my prayer is that you'll understand what I've come to understand over the last year. We all have stories to tell ... confessions to make ... stories and confessions that could possibly change the lives of people you may never know. Be real, friends ... take the chance ... pay the price ... find the peace ... there are so very many Joshuas in the world who need you. 

"I didn’t know how desperate Joshua was until January 3rd when I came home from work to find him alone in his room. He was holding a gun in his hand and he was shaking and sobbing."

On January 3, 2014, Joshua was holding a gun. On February 12, 2014, Joshua is alive and getting better with every passing day.