Atta Girl

Friday night when I went to bed, I did something I rarely do on a Friday night ... I set my alarm to rouse me from sleep at 6:00 a.m. Most Saturdays, I'm doing well to have eaten breakfast and made myself a cup of coffee by 7:30 in the morning, but yesterday, I was showered, fed, dressed and out the door at 7:29. I must say I was pretty darned impressed with myself ... one whole minute ahead of schedule is a pretty big flipping deal for me. Following my 8 a.m. haircut appointment, I hopped back in my car and headed to Brad's so we could ride together to his girlfriend Shelby's college graduation ceremony. I was so proud of myself for arriving at Brad's a few minutes early ... early enough that I spent some time rubbing Max the dog's tummy while Brad finished shaving. Wait a minute ... Brad was shaving ... that boy of mine is in love for sure ... he shaved, combed his hair and put on a button-down dress shirt to go to Shelby's graduation ... yep, my boy is head-over-heels in love in a big, gigantic way.

One of my good friends often says, "Atta girl" to me ... usually when I somehow manage to will myself at least partially out of a funk when I'm having a not so great day. The phrase has actually been used since the 1920s, and it's derived from "That's a good girl" which became "That's a girl" and eventually "Atta girl." It's meant as a form of encouragement, congratulations or praise for a woman or girl, sort of along the lines of "Go get 'em" or "You go, girl." But "Atta girl" ... at least for me, anyway ... carries with it a deeper meaning and a more significant standard for its use. To me, "Atta girl" means triumphing, overcoming, fighting back, trying again and again and again when everything within me is screaming at me to give up. "Atta girl" to me means doing the work that's necessary ... the tortuous and painstaking work that's necessary to overcome my doubts or questions or fears in order to accomplish those goals that seem so very often to be completely unreachable. 

Over the course of the last three years, I've seen Shelby mature and grow into a strong and confident young woman ... a young woman whom I consider to be one of the greatest blessings in my life. I've seen her overcome some pretty big obstacles on the journey toward accomplishing her education and career goals. I've seen her courage and determination ... her strength and commitment ... her hardworking, never give up attitude carry her through some really difficult times. I've seen her love my son in a way that makes him a better man ... her love challenges him and encourages him and believes in him and makes him a better man. There really are no words to tell you how deeply Shelby has touched my own heart ... her unconditional love and acceptance, and her concern for my happiness and well-being ... there really are no words to convey what she means to me.

This afternoon I'll be celebrating with Shelby and her family and friends ... her family and friends ... her family and friends. As I drove home after the ceremony yesterday, I couldn't help but think once again about how my little family of four has grown over the last several years ... Becca and her family and friends, Barrett and his family and friends, Shelby and her family and friends ... and of course my wonderful little C.J. and her soon-to-arrive baby sister. It's easy to get sucked into thinking about the family and friends I've lost over the last couple of years ... relationships that ended after I told the truth about who I am. I realize more and more every day how much deeper, how much truer, how much realer my life is now ... the people in my life now are the ones who matter so very, very much ... the people who make such a gigantically huge difference ... the people whom I love with all my heart ... the people who honestly love me just the way I am.

I'm proud of you, Shelby, for so many, many, many more reasons than graduating yesterday (Rock Chalk, Jayhawk for all you KU peeps out there, by the way) ... I'm proud of you for being the wonderful, amazing, kind, caring, talented, loving you. I'm so thankful you're part of our family ... I'm so beyond grateful you're part of my life.

Atta girl, Shelby Rose ... atta girl!!!