It Shouldn't Have Happened That Way

Sometimes all it takes is one unexpected conversation to spark a flood of thoughts and emotions racing through me ... one conversation that causes me to ponder how much my life has changed over the course of the last year and a half. I had one of those conversations at work today ... a conversation that has caused my mind to burn all day with memories of another conversation ... a conversation that by all standards of past experience and all standards of reason and logic should have never happened. But it did. That one day ... it shouldn't have happened that way ... but it did.

So many things shouldn't have happened that way on that day ... but they did. And when I think about all those things ... so many, many, many things ... I alternate between being completely creeped out at the way all those things could have happened randomly and believing that every single one of those things was individually part of an enormously huge divine plan. So many things that day shouldn't have happened that way ... but they did.

Perhaps I will forever wonder about the why of that day ... perhaps I will forever ponder about the how of that day ... perhaps I will ... perhaps I will indeed. Even as I write those words ... even as my mind rushes through each thing that shouldn't have happened the way it did on that day, I am keenly aware that every single thing that happened on that day worked together to change me forever. And there are some ... there are some who would say each of those things worked together to change them forever as well.

When I allow myself to walk down the path of trying to understand the how and trying to comprehend the why of how everything came together that day ... sometimes it's overwhelming to me. When I find myself unable to deny the vast interconnection of things that continue to occur because of that day ... sometimes it scares the living daylights out of me. But the most overwhelming ... the most terrifying ... the most humbling thought of all? If just one of the things that shouldn't have happened the way it did ... if just one of those things didn't happen the way it did, nothing that has happened since would have happened. No honesty with my kids ... no Gary or Elizabeth or Joshua or Stef or Nate ... no helping others. If I had been able to contact my supervisor ... if I would have just left work that day or called in sick ... if I wouldn't have fallen apart ... if my friend would have simply told me to go home and get some rest.

It shouldn't have happened that way, friends ... but it did. And I ... well ... sniffle, sniffle, sniffle ... I am so grateful that it did.