Go Ahead and Ask Them

Whenever I talk with my granddaughter C.J., I ask her what she's doing or what she has done that day. I've learned not to expect the answer many children would give ... "Nothing, Ghee" ... oh, no, no, no, not from my granddaughter. Nope, my granddaughter generally has a litany of things she is excited to tell me ... from where she went to what she did to talking about her dogs to showing me her belly button to singing a song at the top of her lungs to ... well ... you name it, and my little Boo talks about it. That's why I ask her the questions, you know ... the "What are you doing?"  or "What did you do today?" questions ... I ask because I want her to talk to me and tell me all about her day. I Skyped with her tonight and I promise you that within a split second of my asking her those questions, she was yapping her sweet little blonde head off as she happily told me about the adventures of her day.

I was telling C.J. that I had been taking care of her Uncle Brad's dog Max all week when I uttered the following words ... "I have never seen a dog that pees as much as Max ... he goes potty a lot ... a whole, whole lot." My genius granddaughter never missed a beat as she asked ever so seriously ... "Ghee, do you go potty a wot?" After assuring C.J. that her Ghee does not go potty nearly as much as Max the dog, she quickly moved on to ask me a million other questions ... thankfully, those revolved around more appropriate subject matter than my bathroom habits.

I've thought a lot about C.J.'s initial question to me this evening ... I've thought about a lot of things in regard to her "Ghee, do you go potty a wot?" question. I've thought about the irony of her question ... before I was diagnosed with diabetes, I certainly did "go potty a wot," probably because I drank gallons of Diet Coke because I was so flipping thirsty all the time. I've thought about the sincerity of her question ... in her little mind, it was a logical question to ask following my description of Max. I've thought about the harmlessness of her question ... she wasn't trying to embarrass me or expose me or humiliate me in any way. She was simply asking me what to her seemed to be the right question to ask in that moment. All of that plus the fact that I'm her Ghee and she knows she can ask me anything and I won't get upset ... well ... almost anything I suppose.

One of the most repeated questions I read in the emails and messages I receive is, "Should I ask? If I think a family member or friend is contemplating suicide, should I ask them? Won't that push them over the edge and make them carry out their plan?" The short answer is yes ... ask. If their behavior is enough to warrant your concern, asking them if they are thinking or have thought about suicide won't compel them to commit suicide. What asking will do in those situations is let the person know you care ... it will let them know you care enough to ask. I can't tell you how many people have told me that someone asking them ... that someone caring enough to ask them ... that someone confronting them about what was going on inside their heads ... I can't tell you how many people have told me that simple act ... asking ... was enough to pull them back from the precipice of darkness. Here's the thing, though ... you've got to, got to, got to, got to be sincere in your questions ... you absolutely must be sincere and even more, you need to understand you may not get the answer you want to hear.

I'm realizing more and more that there are so very many people who feel completely alone ... people who feel isolated and abandoned ... people who feel that no one cares whether they live or die. Go ahead and ask them, friends ... please ... go ahead and ask them. Everyone deserves to know that someone cares ... everyone deserves to know that one very important and often life-saving thing if they never know anything else ... everyone deserves to know that someone cares whether they live or die.

So ... what did you do today? Want to know what I did? I washed Legos for 5 1/2 hours ... care to know why?