If I Were Your Mom

Over the last several days, I've spent a significant amount of time reading through the comments that have been and are continuing to be posted on "A Room Without Feathers." Some have made me howl with laughter (which is an especially good thing for me right now), and some have made me shed tears of compassion and hope (which is also an especially good thing for me right now). Every single one of your comments has touched me in its own unique way, and I deeply appreciate you taking the time to share your hearts not only with me but with my readers as well.

While all of the comments are special to me, I am particularly moved by the ones from some of my younger readers ...

"I had my suicide all planned out and then someone told me to read your blog and now I'm still alive. There's been a lot of ups and downs in the last two years but my life is on a good road now and that's thanks to you being so honest in Easier to Die." 

"My brother Lucas tried to kill himself four times before he was 16 and the last time he did permanent damage to his eyes and he's blind."

"But there are some of us in junior high who read you every week and you help us. Your storys tell us not to give up and to be kind to everyone. I think you have a good spirit and I hope I can meet you sometimes."

"My friend Kevin was bullied about being gay from when we were 8 years old and called names like fairy, pansie, facggot, sissie boy just to name a few. I am 15 now but Kevin jumped off a building last summer and he didn't live threw the jump." 

"My brother Mike killed himself two months ago. I came home from school and found him. He hung himself in the closet. He made a video on his phone and said he was dying in the closet because it was where he had lived his life. I hate myself because I didn't know Mike was gay."

As you know if you've read my last couple of posts, I'm struggling with writing right now ... for the first time in my life, writing is hard for me. But as I read back through the posts this evening, I knew there was something I need to say tonight ... something I have to say tonight.

To my younger readers ... if I were your mom, I would tell you how proud I am of you. If I were your mom, I would tell you it's not your fault. If I were your mom, I would tell you not to give up. If I were your mom, I would tell you it really does get better. If I were your mom, I would tell you that you have more courage than I can ever hope to have. If I were your mom, I would tell you to never stop believing in yourself. If I were your mom, I would tell you to be open, to be honest, to be real and to be transparent. If I were your mom, I would tell you not to let anyone ever steal your joy. If I were your mom, I would tell you that you're perfect just the way you are. If I were your mom, I would tell you that your journey is only beginning. If I were your mom, I would tell you that you matter ... so much more than you know right now ... you matter. If I were your mom ... if I were your mom ... if I were your mom ... I would tell you that nothing ... absolutely nothing ... will ever change how very, very, very much I love you.

If I were your mom, I would tell you to just be you ... I would tell you to just be the incredible, amazing and awesome you that you already are.

Thank you for sharing yourselves with me and for walking this journey with me ... thank you Gary and Matthew and Stefanie and Elizabeth and so many others ... you truly bless me with your strength, bravery and overcoming spirits. If I were your mom ... I would tell you to never ever change.