Judgment Call

Ever have a week that you could have just done without? You know ... a week when you find yourself dreading the week that's ahead because you're afraid it may be a repeat of the lousy week you just experienced. A week when you just can't seem to do anything right no matter how hard you try. A week when it seems like your dogs are the only creatures on earth who love you unconditionally. Sure you have ... we all have those weeks from time to time but hopefully, they are the exception rather than the rule.

Last week was that week for me times about a thousand. I won't even begin to share details; in fact, there's only one part of the week that I can't seem to get out of my head. The rest of the week I'm trying to simply forget. But the part that I can't stick on a shelf or throw out with the trash ... that part bears some contemplation and some commentary and perhaps even a bit of controversial discussion from you, my loyal readers.

Four differing situations last week warranted ... at least in the various people's minds who were involved ... me being reprimanded, chewed out, griped at, given a stern talking to, or whatever other tasty terminology one would ascribe to such events. Again, not sharing details and also willingly admitting that one of those chewings I rightfully deserved, one of the confrontations has weighed heavily on my heart for several days now. As is so often the case when faced with things in life that make me uncomfortable, I believe the reason this particular conversation keeps hanging on in my mind is because God has a lesson to teach me, a time of growth to bestow upon me, a change He wishes to bring about in the way I think and respond to others.

Each evening when I walk, I listen to music on my iPod ... mainly Christian music (with a little John Denver thrown in, of course) from a wide range of artists, some new and contemporary and some really old school. As I was walking last week, someone texted me and said they passed me on the trail as they drove by, but that I didn't hear their horn honking because I had my earphones in. She asked who I was listening to, and I answered with the artist's name. I then received a scathing text in return insisting that I shouldn't be supporting that certain artist, questioning the validity of my faith because I listened to her music, and suggesting that I'd better be getting my heart right with the Lord. Tears filled my eyes as I entered my response ... "Sorry you feel that way. Have a good evening."

Her beef with the artist? Last year, she declared that she was gay and had been in a relationship with another woman for several years. And let me say that I'm not going to get involved in any way, shape, form or fashion in any discussion about the wrong or right of homosexuality ... that's not what this post is about. The truth is that this gal is a great singer, and the lyrics to her songs, especially those penned in her earlier years, bring me right into the presence of my God ... I worship, truly worship, when I sing along to her music. And to be honest, my worship time on the trail is MY worship time on the trail ... no one else's to judge or critique or condemn ... my worship time is between me and God, and no one else.

Yes, I'm still stinging from the person's words, but I will give her credit for a couple of things ... her words have made me think deeply about my faith over the last few days and caused me to revisit God's Word to see how Jesus treated others. The truth? Jesus spent most of His time with people whom the religious leaders condemned ... a tax collector, a prostitute, a thief, a liar, a woman caught in adultery. In fact, he called the guys who thought they were so religious "whitewashed tombs" ... they looked great on the outside while their insides reeked of death.

Those of you who read this blog are aware that I've been walking through the desert for the last few months ... a lonely, dry desert. There is so much truth to the statement that it's in the tough times that you find out who your true friends are ... that's when you discover who will stay by your side through thick and thin, and who will leave you sick, alone and hurting by the side of the road. And as much as it pains me to say so, some of the people who have stayed by me are the very ones that my Christian friends would condemn. The last few days have made me realize something as I never have before ... more than anything, I want to love as Jesus loves, to accept as He accepts, to comfort as He comforts, to help as He helps ... without apology, without regret, without pretense.

I know this is a long post, and I apologize for the scope of my dissertation. It seems to me, however, that sometimes you've just gotta say what God lays on your heart to say and let the chips fall where they may. One thing about being by yourself in the desert is that you don't worry or care so much about chips anymore ... you focus more on what's really important ... like water ... living, holy, life-saving water. Even though it's already quite lengthy, I'm going to close this post with some lyrics to a song ... a song that often causes me to go to my knees.

"From glass alabaster, she poured out the depths of her soul. Oh, foot of Christ, would you wait if her harlotry's known? Falls a tear to darken the earth, of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt. She is strong enough to stand in Your love, I can hear her say, 'I am weak; I am poor; I am broken, Lord, but I'm Yours. Hold me now, hold me now. Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will. To say that My bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled ... She is strong enough to stand in Your love, I can hear her say, 'I am weak; I am poor; I am broken, Lord, but I'm Yours. Hold me now, hold me now.'"