Inside Out

When my children were in elementary school, they thoroughly enjoyed the special "dress up" days at school. There were pajama days, backwards clothes days, fancy shoelaces days, and their all-time favorite, inside out day. I never understood why, but each one of my kiddos loved the days when they were allowed to wear their clothing inside out. There was something extra fun for them about it; again, I never understood why, but inside out days brought pure joy to my daughter and sons.

Last week, the pain in my shoulder was so intense that I finally caved in and let my doctor schedule me for a scan. Chatting with the technician before she slid me inside the tube, I asked about the difference between the scan and a regular x-ray. "Basically," she said, "the scan shows us if there is anything going on in the soft tissue of your shoulder ... it's kind of like an inside out view of your ligaments and tendons." Laying inside the huge machine and trying to breathe normally and not move, my mind centered in on the words of the tech ... an inside out view ... and I began to think about the radiologist who would interpret the results of the interior photos of my shoulder. I couldn't help but think that I wouldn't want that job, especially when the x-rays or scans showed that the person had a serious or life-threatening condition.

The more I thought about the concept of seeing things from the inside out, the more I began to think about my heart and how God is the only One who truly knows what is inside of me. I've had a few friends down through the years whom I've allowed to see pretty far inside, but God really is the only One who sees all of me. And perhaps the key word in that statement about my friends is "allowed" ... while I choose how much I confide in others, God knows me ... every single part of me ... from the inside out. When I play like I am strong, God knows how weak I am. When I wear a mask of self-sufficiency, God knows how much I need help. When I pretend that I'm in control, God knows that I'm just barely hanging on. He knows me ... every single part of me ... from the inside out.

And here's the thing about God seeing me from the inside out ... He loves me anyway. He never runs away just because what He sees in me isn't very pretty. He never stops showering me with grace just because who I really am doesn't deserve it. He never tells me I'm too much effort just because sometimes it takes a long while for me to change. He never gives up on me just because the inside of me doesn't always match the outside of me. He never runs ... He never stops ... He never gives up. He always sees me from the inside out, and He loves me anyway.

Inside out, Lord, inside out ... thank you for seeing me from the inside out and still loving me, still wanting me, still calling me.