Being an editor for an advertising agency means that I read copy all day, and some days, I read more copy than any one human should ever read in a 10-hour workday ... yes, a 10-hour workday. On those days when the copy that comes across my desk is simply monumental ... like today, for example ... my brain is just plain old tired when I get home. I spent a good part of my day today reading a technical manual for a cattle drug ... I know ... sounds like fun to you, I'm sure. Trust me, not so much. And tonight, due to the brain drain from the tech reading, and due to the aching of my shoulder ... I am quite possibly as tired mentally and physically as I ever remember being. That being said, cut me a little slack if this usual grammar guru makes a mistake or two in this post.
For the last 21 months, I have rarely missed a night of walking ... I've walked in lousy weather; I've walked when I didn't feel well; I've walked and I've walked and I've walked. And for the rare days that I am forced to skip walking, I feel guilty for not walking. If anyone would have told me a couple of years ago that I would experience any kind of feeling about not exercising for a day, I would have howled with laughter. My idea back then of exercise in the evenings after I got home from work was walking back and forth from the couch to the refrigerator and shoveling food into my mouth. But tonight ... tonight, I am not going to walk. Tonight, I am tired and taking the night off.
Even as I type those words ... taking the night off ... guilt is washing over me, and I'm already mentally beating myself up for being a slacker and wanting to take a hot bath and go to bed. I can't help but wonder why I feel that way ... what underlying psychological meaning that has in regard to the person I've become. Now that I think about it, I realize that guilt seems to be a part of me now on many levels ... guilty when I'm not a good friend, guilty when I make mistakes at work, guilty when my heart is heavy, guilty when I can't help those who need my help. And while there is a part of me that feels the need to delve deeply into the source of that permeating guilt, there is a bigger part of me tonight that is screaming that my brain is fried and my body is wiped.
So, tonight ... tonight, I am done with thinking for the day. Tonight ... tonight, I am done with moving my body for the day. Tonight ... tonight, I am taking the night off. So sleep well, friends, and stay safe ... there's a tub of hot water, a cozy bed and two sleepy hounds calling my name. Tonight, I am taking the night off.
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