Back Up

My oldest son Matt's first car was a turquoise Ford Ranger pickup truck that he purchased from a friend of ours. I remember how excited Matt was when the day finally arrived that he could jump in his "new" truck and drive on his own. We had brought the truck home a week or so before Matt's 16th birthday, and it had been parked in our garage with Matt anxiously awaiting his first solo drive. I had recently purchased a new car, a brand new car, for the first time in many years ... a burgundy Subaru Outback, and I was beyond proud of that car. On the day of Matt's birthday, I had gone to the store to buy groceries and for some reason that I can't remember now, rather than pulling my car into the garage next to Matt's truck, I had parked it on the driveway on my side of the garage. I was in the kitchen making dinner when Brad came ripping in the back door shouting, "Matt hit your car, Mom, Matt hit your car!" Only one of the many times Brad tattled on someone, I might add, earning him the affectionate nickname of Tattles that he carried with him proudly for many years.

I tried to remain calm as I went outside to find out what had happened and inspect the damage to my beloved Subaru. Matt, in his haste to drive his truck, had indeed hit my car as he backed out of the garage. And then, he had pulled forward and scraped it again ... and then, he tried to back up once more and hit my car again. To say that I was not at all happy with my eldest son is an understatement in a big way, but if I recall correctly, I at least managed to stay relatively calm. In the following months and years, our family came to realize that driving wasn't one of Matt's greatest strengths and we still tease him even now about his lack of driving skills when he was younger. Fortunately, he married a gal who is an excellent driver, and she has worked with her hubby to help him improve dramatically when he's behind the wheel. The last time I rode in his car, though, he backed up and almost hit another car ... some things just never change, I suppose.

I've been thinking a lot lately about backing up in life, about how so often I think I should back up and try again and maybe then I wouldn't hit anything along the way. The old saying "If I knew then what I know now" pops into my mind quite a lot these days, and I find myself contemplating how I would do things differently if I could back up and start over. But then I think about Matt and his truck ... he hit my car the first time he backed up, he did more damage when he tried to undo what he had done in the initial backing up, and then he tried to back up again and messed things up even more. There's something deep and profound in the scenario of Matt's three-time scraping of my car ... really deep and profound, at least to me anyway. You see, Matt did nothing wrong in wanting to back his truck out of the garage; in fact, had he driven forward, he would have ended up with his truck in my kitchen ... not good, not good at all. His trouble began when he didn't watch where he was going as he backed up ... and his trouble multiplied threefold when he continued not to pay attention to how close his truck was to my car.

I think that's the way it is in life ... there are times when I need to back up, put my transmission in reverse and just drive backwards ... times when going forward means I will drive through a wall and tear up my house. There are times when I need to back up and say I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness. There are times when I need to back up and admit that I was wrong. There are times when I need to back up and reevaluate my priorities. There are times when I need to back up and map out a different route. What is important is that I pay attention while I'm backing up ... that I keep my eyes open and my mind aware of the obstacles and dangers that may be close beside me.

Help me to keep my eyes on You, Lord ... to let you be my compass and my guide ... whether I'm going forward, backing up or even traveling sideways at times. Help me keep my eyes on You.