One of Us

When I began writing this blog back in 2008, I did so because the guy who created the website for my speaking ministry told me I needed to write a blog. I was really half-hearted about it, though, and only posted 36 entries for the entire first two years. Then one of my doctors last year asked me to blog twice a week and he asked me to be extremely real and transparent in my posts, saying that it would be "good therapy" for me in my struggle with depression. So in 2010, I penned 100 posts. I never anticipated that this blog would resonate with so many people, or that God had such a purpose and plan for the words He places on my heart to share ... seems I so very often underestimate Him. Today's post is number 221 for 2011 to date, and God graciously continues to provide ideas and words for several posts each week. Even more, however, God uses this blog to cause me to be open, honest, real and transparent ... I quite often share things that I've kept hidden for years, locked away behind the walls of fear or pride or shame. I've felt God's prodding and urging on many occasions to speak out on certain issues or to reveal my own personal battles.

I know this may surprise many of you, but when I was young, I was an introvert in the truest sense of the word. I was never one of the popular kids ... never. In fact, I was one of those kids the other kids made fun of and teased because I had a speech problem. It wasn't until the early years of junior high school that I was able to speak clearly, but by then the wounds that were inflicted by my peers caused me to be withdrawn and afraid to trust anyone. It was several years before I ventured out of my protective shell and began to be included in groups and activities, and I can remember like it was yesterday lying in my bed wishing so badly to belong. Perhaps I remember those feelings like they were yesterday because, as I've previously written, I am acutely aware that I don't fit or belong anywhere anymore. A woman who attended the retreat last weekend asked me to pray for her ... she told me of some physical issues she has, saying, "No one wants to be around me anymore. I understand why, but it hurts all the same to be so alone." If you're reading this blog, dear one, please know that I am praying for you and that I truly do understand how you feel.

It's not a coincidence that God called a gal who had a hard time speaking in front of anyone to eventually become a speaker ... nothing He does is ever a coincidence but part of His much greater plan for my life. Nor was it a coincidence that when the women gathered around me last Sunday morning to pray as I knelt sobbing before them that one of the ladies uttered some words that have had a huge impact on me this week. A young woman led the prayer time, asking God to strengthen and bless me, and I heard the other women agreeing with her requests on my behalf. And then ... then I heard one of the ladies say, "She is one of us, Lord, she is one of us." Once again, I heard the other women speaking in agreement, "Yes, Lord, she is one of us."

I haven't been able to get those words out of my mind or my heart, and every time I think of them, tears spring to my eyes. I am certain the dear woman who uttered those words had no idea that God was using her to touch the depths of my soul in such a mighty and powerful way or how much I appreciated what she said. I am sure that she didn't know how often I feel so alone now, how much I miss the relationships I once had, how much I don't belong. The more I've thought about the words of this sister in the Lord, the more I realize how important they really are. "She is one of us" ... shouldn't that be the cry of all who are believers? Shouldn't we all be included and loved and accepted and welcomed and treasured and cared for and encouraged and lifted up? Shouldn't we obey the command in God's Word to love one another as He loves us? Seriously ... shouldn't we?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12