Going, Going, Gone

When I was a kid, I remember my dad taking me to several auctions. I can't remember why we went or what he purchased, but I do remember some things about those outings quite vividly. More than one of the auctions was held in a barn-like structure, and I remember the feel of the sawdust-covered ground under my feet and the smell of leather and horses wafting through the air. There were always farmers at the auctions, farmers dressed like my dad ... faded overalls hitched over their shoulders and straw hats perched atop their heads. But what I remember most of all ... most of all, I remember the voices of the auctioneers as they worked the crowd into a bidding frenzy, using words I had never heard before and speaking faster than it seemed possible for a human to speak. When the auctioneer was sure the bidding had reached the peak price for whatever item was on the block at the time, he would give the potential buyers one last opportunity to bid as he taunted the crowd with the words, "Going ... going ..." and if no one offered up a last-minute bid, he would shout, "Gone!" and the bidding for the item would close.

My son Matt called me around lunchtime today, and as always, it was good to hear his voice. He talked about his job and how much he already loves what he's doing at the university. He talked about the park system in Edmonton and the recreational center at the university that he and Becca and C.J. will have free access to. He talked about how the wiener dogs Andy and Chloe are adjusting to their new home. He talked about how ready he was for Becca and C.J. to arrive this afternoon. He talked about the call from the movers saying their belongings are scheduled to be delivered on Monday. He talked about a lot of things, and there was a happiness in his voice that was undeniable ... the happiness of a man who has found his spot, his niche, his place in the world ... the happiness of a man who is embarking on the largest adventure of his life thus far ... the happiness of a man who is thrilled that God has blessed him with a good job that will provide for his little family ... the happiness of the man who is my son.

I've been weepy all day, knowing that Becca and C.J. boarded a plane this morning to fly to Canada. I'm not sure why, but the two of them leaving made it very real to me today ... my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter no longer live in the same country as I do. There's been a feeling of finality hovering over me all day today ... one of those days when I know that life as I've known it for so many years has taken a huge turn in a different direction. At work today, a gal who knew that Becca and C.J. were leaving this morning came over to my desk soon after I arrived and asked, "So how are you?" Several words immediately popped into my mind as tears filled my eyes ... askew, off-balance, more alone than I've ever felt in my life. But the words that I spoke were, "I'm fine ... I'm fine ... I'm fine." 

Matt asked me on the phone today what I had been doing, or to quote the question he has asked me each time he has called me since he moved out to go to college 10 years ago ... "So what's going on with you? What's happening there?" I hemmed and hawed and finally said, "Just work, Mattie, and then home ... I go to work and I go home. That's it. I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to go with me if I did ... I go to work and I go home." His reply was matter of fact, as is so often the case with Matt ... "That's not good, Mom ... you need to get out and have some fun. It's not healthy that the only social interaction you have is with the people at work ... you have to find your place again, Mom ... you need friends now more than you ever have before. You need to get out of the house, Mom, you need to get out and find your place." And yes, when my "too wise for his years" son and I finished talking, I ducked into the restroom and cried like a baby.

All evening, I've been thinking about the sweet reunion that happened in the airport this afternoon when Matt saw his wife and baby girl walk off the airplane and into his arms. I've been thinking about Becca strolling into her new home ... the home that she has only seen in photos until today. I've been thinking about how happy two little wiener dogs must have been to see their two favorite girls in the world finally come home. I've been thinking about C.J. ... I've been picturing her big blue eyes ... her curious little spirit ... her sweet giggly laughter ... her first night in her Canadian home. I've been thinking about the words of the auctioneer all those years ago, "Going, going, gone."