Just Hold Your Derned Horses

I miss my mom today. A lot. Some days I miss her more than other days, and today is one when I miss her so much it hurts. I'm not sure why I miss her so much today ... perhaps because my neighbors across the street called me over last night to sit on their porch and chat for a while as Ollie and I were returning from our walk, and we talked quite a lot about family. They still attend the same church they were both baptized in as children, as does all of their extended family as well ... which is totally cool, by the way. As we reminisced about times spent with our parents in years gone by, I chuckled as I told John and Debra about some of the funny things Mom used to say. Things like, "I'm just a twiggin' up my hair," or "Lord, help! What are you a huntin'?" or "You ain't got no business on Grasshopper Road," ... yeah, don't even ask on that last one because it involved my college years. But one of my all-time favorite Mom-isms was when she would say, "Now just hold your derned horses and don't get in such a hurry. Just calm down." It cracked me up every time she would say those words because my sweet little mom was one of the most impatient people ever born. And I would often laugh out loud when she followed her "derned horses" declaration by saying, "It's high time you learned how to have some dadgum patience." Yep ... I miss Mom today. A lot. A whole, whole, whole lot.

Many of you will be surprised by the following words ... once in a while, I can be sort of a smart aleck. Yes, that's how you spell it, and it's two words ... of course I looked it up ... duh. Point made, eh? And I can be especially smart alecky (yes, that's a word) when I'm asked (or told) to do something I don't want to do or I'm frustrated and angry with myself because I don't want to do what I'm asked to do when I know full well that it's good for me to do what I don't want to do. Can you say run-on sentence extraordinaire with me??? Such was the appearance of my supreme smart aleckiness (that's not a word, but it should be ... so there) a week or so ago when I was told (or asked) to add five items to a list of things I'm learning by doing a certain thing each week. In my truest smart aleck form, my five items were 1) patience, 2) patience, 3) patience, 4) patience, and 5) not to punch someone in the face. Personally, I think it was a quite clever response. The person who requested the list, however, not so much. To drive home the importance of me not being a smart aleck, the aforementioned person then requested that I complete a writing assignment about patience. And without an ounce of smart aleckiness within me ... no, really, I swear ... I decided I could write about patience in my blog and effectively kill two birds with one stone (though I would never kill a bird on purpose). We'll see if my brilliant idea flies ...come on, that's worthy of at least a snicker or two.

So ... patience ... well ... here are some of the dictionary definitions of patience:

1)  the ability to continue doing something for a long time without losing interest, especially something difficult

2)  the ability to wait for a long time without becoming angry or upset

3)  the ability to accept situations that you do not like, believing that with time they will improve.

You know what I think? I think I need to shelve my smart aleck attitude and really ponder the importance of those definitions. I think I should admit that sometimes I act like a little kid who throws a fit because she doesn't want to eat broccoli even though she knows that she needs to eat it in order to grow and have strong bones and muscles. I think I need to embrace what I'm learning and to take the list seriously and stop stomping my feet and dragging my heels and whining and pouting and do what's requested of me. I think it's time for me to dig deeply into my heart, soul and mind, and confess that I truly do need to learn to be patient and to fully appreciate each and every step I'm taking along the way to becoming okay ... even the steps that seem to take so very long. See, that's the thing ... I want to hurry through the process ... I want to get to okay-land NOW ... I don't want to wait or do the hard stuff that the journey requires ... I want to be there, and I want to be there NOW.

So ... patience ... well ... I mentioned in my last post that I've been thinking about ending my blog, and many of you have written to say ... well ... to say ... no, no, no. Then late this afternoon, someone in my office sent me an email ... someone I don't see or talk with every day; in fact, I don't think I've talked to this person in at least a couple of weeks. And tonight, as I sit here typing, I get it ... tonight, I think I really do get it. Patience isn't something I can learn about or come to understand in a moment ... I can only understand and learn about patience by waiting ... by continuing ... by submitting ... by accepting. Oh, and the email?

"Never put a period where God has placed a comma."

He's placed a "carry on" comma on this blog, friends ... so just hold your derned horses and stay calm ... it ain't over yet.