Your Kind

OK ... right up front, I should put a disclaimer on this post: I'm a little aggravated about something, and I have some things I need to get off my chest. Wait a sec ... I'm not really aggravated as much as I am ... well ... as much as I am ... I'm searching for the right word ... frustrated isn't it ... upset isn't it ... angry isn't it ... annoyed isn't it. Is there a word for "Recently, someone hurt my feelings by what I think was a pretty thoughtless and dumb comment"? Let's make a deal ... if you know what the word is to encompass that statement, drop me a line and clue me in.

Most of you know what my job is ... I'm an editor, which means I correct incorrect grammar and spelling, and sometimes I suggest different ways to convey what I think the writer is really trying to say. As any editor will tell you, there are certain words that people use incorrectly time and time again ... words such as its and it's; there, their and they're; were and where (yes, really, believe it or not); and one of my personal favorites, your and you're. And it's true with each of those sets of words ... they're not interchangeable no matter where you may go on your spelling and grammar adventure. For example, "your sweet" would indicate that the piece of candy belongs to you while "you're sweet" would indicate that you are a nice person. Two different words with two completely different meanings ... your and you're. Now that we've hopefully established the importance of using the correct word in the correct context, on to what I'd like to say.

Recently, I was with someone who noticed a woman roughly my age whose physical appearance indicated that perhaps she is ... well ... that perhaps she is gay. And even as I type those words, I'm reminded of something I read a couple of days ago that was written by a minister who has struggled with many of the same things I have. He said, "Why is it perfectly acceptable for people to look at my appearance and say, 'Oh, he's so gay,' when they would never consider it appropriate behavior to look at a heterosexual man and say, 'Oh, he's so straight.'" Good question, in my opinion, and the truth is that there are tomboyish women and feminine men who are straight and super frilly, girly women and ultra masculine guys who are gay. No one should be judged solely on their outward appearance ... black, white, straight, gay, rich, poor ... no one. Period, end of discussion. I didn't plan to write that part, by the way, but it needs to be said, and it needs to be heard. And now, back to what happened.

So the person I'm with sees the woman I mentioned and says to me, "You should go make friends with her because she's one of your kind, Terrie." I managed to walk away before tears filled my eyes as I thought surely I misunderstood what the person had said. Nope, I didn't misunderstand at all because the person said it to me again later that same day ... and it hurt the second time just as much as it did the first time. "One of your kind. One of your kind." Really? Seriously? "One of my kind???" Yep, those words flipping hurt my feelings in a great big old gigantic way ... but then I started thinking. I started thinking about the words "your kind, Terrie" ... I started thinking about how different my reaction would have been had the same person said to me, "You're kind, Terrie." Think about that one for a while, friends ... perhaps for a long while.

A friend said something to me that I think is pretty profound when I told her about the "one of your kind" comment. She said, "When you think about it, Terrie, we're all labeled in one way or another." And she's right ... we tag one another with all sorts of different labels, don't we? We lump each other into "kinds" every single day. The more I've thought about the thoughtless and dumb comment the one person made and the truly insightful and meaningful comment my friend made, I've decided that I really don't want to be a kind ... I want to be kind. And if I must be labeled a kind, I want "my kind" to be compassionate, giving, understanding, encouraging, loving, supportive, loyal and honest. Yep, that's the "your kind" of people I want to be part of ... you bet it is.

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." --- Ephesians 4:32

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." --- Colossians 3:12