Unfinished Business

My little mom would have been 94 years old a couple of days ago, and yes, memories of past birthday celebrations have been swirling in my mind all week. Even before Mom moved to Kansas City, I began making a list of questions I wanted to be sure to ask her one day ... a list of questions that resides in a folder deep within my heart ... a list of questions that remain unanswered because I never made the time to ask her ... a list of questions I continue to add to with the hope that I will one day be able to ask them of Mom in heaven. During the six weeks Mom lived in Kansas City, we talked a lot ... perhaps more than we ever had, or perhaps the conversations we had simply meant more to me than they ever had before. Something that struck me then and still strikes me now was how often Mom talked about things she had left undone in her life ... projects she didn't finish, conversations she didn't have, places she didn't go. And when Mom talked about the undone things in her life, a sadness would wash across the wrinkled skin of her face and cloud her hazel-colored eyes as she said, "Take it from me ... you need to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done before it's too late ... once you leave this world, you ain't gonna be able to take care of any unfinished business then."

Things have been a bit stressful at work for the last couple of weeks ... nothing bad, just a super busy time for all of our clients and everyone is swamped. I know folks are stressed when one of them comes to my desk late in the afternoon and says, "Can I please have a hug? I really need a Terrie hug." I immediately stood up and wrapped my young friend up in a gigantic Mama T long and lasting hug ... of course I did, good grief, of course I did. About a half-hour later, I went upstairs to return some work to one of the project managers and after placing the job jacket in her chair, I made a snap decision. I decided that the people in my office needed something to lift their spirits today ... something to make them smile ... something to let them know they are more than just appreciated by me, they are loved. I began making my way from desk to desk proclaiming today as National Hug Terrie Day and hugged my co-workers. And you know what happened? People began coming to me before I would get to their desks saying, "Are you giving out hugs? I could sure use a Terrie hug today in a big way." Remember the post I wrote a while back about how many hugs you need for survival, emotional stability and personal growth? Well, suffice it to say that I had to have made some gigantic leaps in all three categories today because I lost count of all the hugs I gave and got in return today. And you know what? It was pretty freaking cool to see the joy my National Hug Terrie Day idea brought to my friends in the office ... pretty, pretty, pretty freaking cool.

As I drove home this evening, I thought about a day last February ... a Friday when I went around to each person in my office and hugged them before I left that day. They didn't know what I was doing that day, friends ... I was saying goodbye ... I was saying goodbye forever. I couldn't help but recognize as the tears began to flow from my eyes that the hugs I gave today were so very different from the hugs I gave on that cold Friday in February. Sometimes people write to me and tell me I shouldn't talk about that weekend ... the weekend I intended to end my life ... but I think they are wrong. I think I need to remember that weekend and the moments and the feelings and the pain and the hiding and the dishonesty that led me there. I think I need to talk about that weekend because speaking out about what almost was may help someone else to choose to live rather than die. I think I need to write about that weekend so that I never forget how close I came with the hope that I never return there again. 

I decided as I was walking with Ollie this evening that I need to take Mom's advice to heart ... that I need to try my best not to leave this world with unfinished business in my life. I'm not talking about finances or work or stuff like that ... I'm talking about the unfinished business that really matters. Unfinished business like making sure that the people I love know how very much I love them ... seizing every opportunity to help someone ... listening to those who are hurting or overwhelmed or sad ... being the mom my wonderful children deserve to have ... feeding someone who is hungry ... expressing gratitude for the blessings I receive ... being a loyal and trusted friend at all times in every circumstance of life ... keeping my promises and honoring my word. Unfinished business like loving and laughing and living with every ounce of strength I have in every moment I have.

Even as I type those words, I know I've got some unfinished business ... I know there are things I've left undone, and things I need to do better. I know there are often times when I don't want to do what others know is for my own good ... times when I fail so very miserably at the tasks that are set before me. I know there are days when I have to fight the urge to leave the business of life unfinished ... times when it seems as though it's just too hard, and it's taking way too long. I know there are times when I despise the words, "You have a ways to go yet," ... times when I want to stomp my feet, dig in my heels and refuse to take another step.

But then ... then there are days like today ... days when I was able to bring even a moment of joy to a few someones along the way ... days when I helped to carry the burden of a friend ... days like today when I hugged and hugged and hugged. I was reminded yesterday of the brevity of life when a friend told me of the unexpected death from diabetes of a young man in his early 30s. Life is too short not to love, friends ... life is too short not to laugh, friends ... life is too short not to live, friends. Don't waste it ... don't leave the really important business of life unfinished. Don't let the tyranny of the urgent cause you to sacrifice what's real and deep and lasting ... people ... it's people who matter most of all. Take it from me ... you need to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done before it's too late ... no unfinished business, friends, no unfinished business.

P.S. If you happened to miss out on National Hug Terrie Day today, I've thought long and hard about it and have decided to declare tomorrow National Hug Terrie Friday and next week National Hug Terrie Week. Just stop by my desk or snag me as I walk by and claim your hug. Or my hug. Or our hug. Awww heck ... just come get a hug if you need or want one. :)