A Good Person Before

It’s been a little more than two weeks since nearly 17 million folks watched the much-hyped 20/20 exclusive interview of Bruce Jenner by Diane Sawyer, and I'm sure the number of subsequent online views already have or will soon far surpass the astounding number of viewers who tuned in on April 24th. While I remember watching the Olympics ceremony on television in 1976 (the year before I graduated from high school, by the way) when Jenner set a new world record and won the gold medal for the decathlon, most of you younger folks know him from the reality TV series as the patriarch of the Kardashian clan. Think about that for a minute ... from the Olympics to the Kardashians, Bruce Jenner has lived a large part of his life in the public eye ... all while trying to keep the biggest secret in his life … well … while trying to keep his secret a secret.

I must admit I was surprised by the overwhelmingly positive response to Jenner’s revelation that he is a transgender female ... let’s face it ... there’s still a lot of hate out there in the world. I watched the interview the night it aired, and I cried like a baby. A few nights ago I watched it again online, and I cried just as much then as I did the first time. I want so desperately to believe the emotions I felt as I listened to Jenner tell his story are the same emotions most people felt as they watched the interview ... sadness, hurt and sympathy for a man who has spent a lifetime trying not to be who he is. I wept as this person, this icon of American culture, talked about feeling there was something wrong with him at a young age ... as he talked about the overwhelming fear and the nights spent on his knees begging God to fix him ... as he talked about not wanting to hurt his children or his family ... as he talked about trying to be the man he was expected to be. When Ms. Sawyer asked what he saw when he looked at videos or pictures of himself as he received the Olympic gold medal, Jenner quietly said, “I see the pain in my eyes.”

Before I’m slaughtered with emails saying that I’m promoting “the agenda” or encouraging “the lifestyle,” please let me tell you why I decided to write this post. Those of you who know me personally and those of you who’ve been reading along with me know how much I love to wear ties and suspenders and shiny wingtip shoes. You know I’ve struggled with my sexuality to the point that trying to continue living the lie and denying who I am quite literally almost killed me. What you don’t know is that a couple of days after Jenner’s interview aired, two different people asked me if I was “like him” … and one of those people went so far as to ask me if I planned on transitioning someday. What you don’t know is how many times over the course of the last three-ish years I’ve been asked if I’m transgender or a transvestite or a cross-dresser. What you certainly don’t know and can’t or won’t ever know is the hurt and pain those questions invoke when you ask them of me or anyone who identifies as LGBTQ.

I’m writing this post to ask you as nicely as I can to stop ... please just stop. Get online and read until you understand the differences ... talk to someone who is gay or lesbian and tell them you are seeking to understand ... spend some time with a person who is transgender and attempt to understand the difficulties they face every single day of their lives. If you haven’t already, watch Jenner’s interview, and if you have already watched it, watch it again. And then try to understand … try to be compassionate … try to sympathize … try not to judge or condemn. And by the way, I’m not transgender, a transvestite or a cross-dresser, and I’m certainly not transitioning in the future because there’s nothing for me to transition from or to.

I read a comment a few days ago from a conservative pastor in California who said, “I don’t know how anyone could watch Bruce Jenner’s interview and not feel genuine compassion and respect for him as a person.” I agree with that pastor, and I also agree with one of the doctors who spoke during Jenner’s interview ... “If a person is a good person before he or she transitions, the person will be a good person after they transition as well.” That’s why I’m writing this post, friends ... to beg you to understand that a person’s heart, a person’s faith, a person’s love for God and their fellow man has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with his or her sexuality or gender. Believe it or not, when someone comes out and says that he or she is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning, telling the truth doesn’t suddenly change them from being a good person to being a bad person. In fact, I would argue that just the opposite is true … that coming out as one’s true self serves only to make a good person a better person. It's like the way silver and gold are purified … they have to go through the refiner’s fire before they can become the precious metals they are meant to be.

"I hope we can save some lives here." --- Bruce Jenner

I hope so, too, Bruce ... I really and truly hope so, too.