I'm Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Though they probably would never admit to it, I'm more than sure that each one of my three children at one time or another in their childhood years offered up at least a couple of insincere apologies to one or both of their siblings. More often than not, those apologies happened for one reason and one reason only ... I made my kids say they were sorry for something they had said or done. For as sure as I am that there were times when my three kiddos didn't really mean those words, I'm even more sure that as soon as they thought I couldn't hear them, they followed up their insincere "I'm sorry" statement with a much truer one ... "I'm not sorry." As I was walking with Ollie this evening, I remembered a time I heard Brad say "I'm not sorry" to Meghann when he thought I had left the room. When I scolded my even back then opinionated little boy, he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry I'm not sorry, Mom, but I'm really not sorry." 

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks about apologies ... actually, I've been thinking a lot about how many times I goof up and do or say something I shouldn't have and how often I say, "I'm sorry." Trust me, I have to say those words way more than I wish I did. It struck me a few minutes ago that while I know I will always have to say "I'm sorry" because I know I will always do or say something stupid that requires me to apologize, there are a whole bunch of things for which I'm really and truly not sorry. And as soon as that realization made its way into my currently less than remarkable brain, I knew that's what I'd be writing about tonight, and I'm sorry I'm not sorry about it ... I'm not sorry even one little bit.

I'm not sorry for eating sugar-free ice cream for dinner tonight.

I'm not sorry for wearing my furry slippers when I went to Walmart last weekend.
I'm not sorry for making lists with my friend (you know who you are).

I'm not sorry for caring so much.

I'm not sorry for caring so much about the people I work with every day.

I'm not sorry for caring so much about how people treat one another.

I'm not sorry for caring so much about how I treat other people.

I'm not sorry for caring so much about people.
I'm not sorry for caring so much about you.

I'm not sorry for liking ties and suspenders and Converse shoes.

I'm not sorry for peeing behind a boulder on the side of the road in Colorado.

I'm not sorry for letting my dogs sleep in bed with me every night.

I'm not sorry for loving my children and grandchildren more than I've ever loved anyone.

I'm not sorry for loving my parents and siblings and nieces and nephews.

I'm not sorry for loving my friends.

I'm not sorry for loving the homeless people who live under the bridge.

I'm not sorry for loving people.

I'm not sorry for loving you.

I'm not sorry for not liking roller coasters.
I'm not sorry for making a vow to never eat beets.
I'm not sorry for wanting to listen and talk and laugh and cry with the people I care about.
I'm not sorry for wanting to know what's going on with the people who matter to me.
I'm not sorry for wanting those people to know what's going on with me.
I'm not sorry for hugging. 
I'm not sorry for sometimes sleeping with no clothes on.
I'm not sorry for drinking almond milk straight from the carton.
I'm not sorry for missing my family.
I'm not sorry for missing my friends.
I'm not sorry for missing you.
I'm not sorry for wanting you to miss me, too.
I'm not sorry I'm open.
I'm not sorry I'm honest.
I'm not sorry I'm real.
I'm not sorry I'm transparent.
I'm not sorry I'm me. 

I'm sorry I'm not sorry, but I'm really not, friends ... I'm really and truly not sorry.